There is no revenge quite as sweet as petty revenge. At least, that’s what comedian Steve Hofstetter recently discovered after committing his own act of retribution on a self-centered woman at the airport who refused to pick up her dog’s “business.”
Though his actions may have had slightly more dramatic consequences than expected, we can’t help but think that she probably deserved it.
Comedian Steve Hofstetter was traveling from LA to Tokyo recently when he encountered one of the most inconsiderate members of society.
Though the airport is rarely full of mindful human beings, Hofstetter never expected to witness such an irredeemable piece of work. So, he proceeded to destroy her.
Fortunately for us, the comedian shared his entire experience on Facebook.
Hofstetter begins by telling us that said person was using Face-timing and not paying attention while her dog proceeded to squat and do its “business” in the middle of the airport.
While walking to my gate at LAX, I noticed a woman whose dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so I assumed she didn’t notice. That was likely the thought shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention.
“Excuse me, miss?” he said, in a polite tone. The woman glared at him. “Your dog,” he sheepishly continued, pointing to the mid-poop pup.
The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed.
“Some people,” she bellowed to her face-time companion with no hint of irony, “are just so damned rude.”
When her dog finished, the woman started walking away, leaving everything right on the airport floor. Another woman tried to stop her.
“You’re not going to clean that up?” she asked, as shocked as the rest of us were.
“They have people for that,” the offender replied, disappearing into the crowd, as much as someone yelling into their phone can disappear into a crowd.
I stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it while someone else got a maintenance worker’s attention. No one said anything – we were so shocked that anyone could be that horrible.
Okay, I have to pause for a rant here. People who do not pick up after their dogs are my biggest pet peeve! I have a dog and I always pick up after her. Do I enjoy picking up shit? Absolutely not, but it’s what you do when you have an animal because no one wants to step in it or see it or smell it. Ugh. Rant over.
The comedian proceeds to explain that he has no qualms with dogs flying on planes, but he can’t stand owners who don’t discipline their pets or consider the people around them.
When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too. Great – we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, I get embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred times less embarrassing than leaving animal feces on the floor of an airport. To make it worse, her dog was now barking at everyone who walked by.
I have nothing against people flying with their dogs, I do it often. But it is a privilege I take seriously. My dog is well-trained and behaves better than most people. He certainly behaves better than that asshole.
Speaking of assholes, there is a pet relief area inside LAX, past security, just two gates away from where The Party Pooper let her dog go to town. It didn’t matter – she was the type of person to litter three feet from an empty garbage can.
I cannot with this woman.
It was at this point that Hofstetter exacted his petty revenge…
While her dog barked at the world, the woman had moved from face-timing with no headphones to listening to music with no headphones. I don’t like to throw around the word “sociopath” but I don’t know how else I could explain just how selfish and terrible of a person she was. I’d bet her car was somewhere in long-term parking, parked across three spots with paint on the bumper from the child’s bike she hit without leaving a note.
Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from her as they could. I am not everyone else.
I sat down right next to the horrible woman. “Are you going to London on business?” I said.
“I’m going to Tokyo,” she responded gruffly, annoyed that I interrupted her DJing.
“Oh, I said. Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to gate 53C. This is the flight to London.”
I figured I could give her a little moment of panic as payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. I didn’t predict what would happen next. She grabbed her bags and her dog in a huff, and stormed out of the gate without even checking. She was so self-involved, she didn’t notice that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo and almost everyone at the gate was Japanese.
Based on her actions, she believed me that the fight had been moved, so she’s also an asshole for not thanking me. “Some people,” I thought as I watched her rush away from the gate without stopping her, “are just so damned rude.”
The flight to Tokyo was at gate 69A, so the 53 gates were on the other side of the next terminal. And I felt guilty knowing she probably berated some poor clerk who had to explain to her that there was no gate 53C.
I don’t know if she made it back to this flight before we took off or not, but I didn’t see her board and I don’t hear her dog. Her missing her flight was not my original intention, but it would be a fine punishment for her being so rude to everyone and making a low-paid stranger clean feces off the floor. What makes me wonder if I went too far is the knowledge that Delta only has one flight to Tokyo each day. Whoops.
Maybe she can re-book on another airline. I hear they have people for that.
While most people praised the comedian for his swift and delightfully cruel punishment, others questioned whether the whole scenario was made up.
He reportedly shared his plane ticket on Imgur with a finger to shun the nonbelievers.