21 People Offer Ingenious Alternative Names For Stuff That Already Exists

Learning a new language is never easy, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be for anyone attempting to master English as a secondary tongue. Many of our grammar rules have no logical reasoning behind them and much of our vocabulary doesn’t necessarily match the function of the object it describes.

Take “twin bed” for instance, it’s literally the smallest bed you can purchase and it only fits one person so why do we call it a twin?? Reddit asked its users what they feel is poorly named and what they would re-name it. Let’s just say, the responses were far from disappointing.

1. D3AD_Pixel has been holding on to this one for a while.

Cheaper by the Dozen 2. Why the fuck didn’t they call it Cheaper by the Baker’s dozen?! Their last name was Baker and there was a new child born, raising the offspring count from 12 to 13. And what is 13 referred to in reference to a dozen? A god damn Baker’s Dozen! I’ve kept this bottled in since 2005. My god does it feel good to let it out.

2. Makes sense to me, RyanTheRyno.

Batman and Daredevil. One does a ton of stunts to fight crime, and the other uses sonar to figure out where to fight crime because he is blind. They need to switch names.

3. superkim111, we should make this happen.

Butterflies have nothing to do with butter, and though they DO fly, they themselves AREN’T flies. Therefore I propose we start calling them flutterbugs.

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4. But they don’t even hover, Inceivf.

Definitely those hands-free segways everybody keeps calling hoverboards.

5. Agreed, besthealthcareforyou.

Ticketmaster’s “convenience fee” Probably better known as an “inconvenience fee,” a “ripoff fee,” or just plain getting bent over by Ticketmaster.

6. besthealthcareforyou has a point.

A group of squids should’ve been called a squad.

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7. Seems fairly logical, RengarTargaryen.

There is a movie called Devil. It’s about people that get stuck in an elevator and one of them is Satan.

Should’ve been called Hellevator.

8. J0rnut should take this up with someone.

The movie “Now You See Me” has a sequel named “Now You See Me 2”

What about “Now You See Me” and “Now You Don’t”

I feel like they missed a huge opportunity there.

9. I second this, Sonst198066.

Blowjobs are badly named because you don’t blow, you suck/stroke. However it is work, so it’s certainly a job.

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10. litusername, because no one could say it without laughing.

They sell little potatoes at the supermarket called “petite potatoes”… why not call them -petitoes-

11. Where is the single trouser Washuchan?

A pair of trousers.

I have never seen a single trouser ever outside of a pair. So calling them a pair is kind of redundant.

12. justdcdoe could have a new invention on his hands.

Plexiglass should have been called glasstic.

13. Tell that to my dorm mate, Blargmode.

Twin bed. It’s a one person bed you fuckwads. It should be called a single bed.

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14. Makes sense, Kanbaru-Fan.

Vacuum cleaner

Better adapt our german word: Dustsucker

15. Can this please happen really_bad_engineer?

The Australian dollar should be called the dollarydoo.

16. Hebegbok is a genius.

Xbox one? ONE? Fuck off. Nextbox that’s what i call it.

17. But that’s not as fun to say, SmashRedhats.

Jet skis should be called boatercycles.

18. Gallowbloob could be onto something.

A finished building shouldn’t be called a building. It should be called built.

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19. Brilliant, Yamitenshi.

In Jurassic World they have this thing that’s basically an underwater T-Rex. I’m still wondering who the hell missed his chance to call that thing a Sea Rex.

20. LoyalStork, we should implement all of these.

Here are some English words next to the literal translation of the equivalent German word. There are surely many more, but these are my favorites.

  1. Turtle = Shield Toad
  2. Raccoon = Wash Bear
  3. Porcupine = Spike Pig
  4. Skunk = Stink Animal
  5. Lightbulb = Glow Pear
  6. Nurse = Sickness Sister
  7. Glove = Hand Shoe

21. TheAushole, gross but true.

I have always thought that asteroids should be called hemorrhoids and hemorrhoids should be call assteroids.

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