It seems like not a week goes by without somebody pulling some lame or tasteless shenanigans that make us say, in unison, “Wait, what?”
Because if there’s one thing you can count on public figures for, it’s an endless stream of social gaffes, questionable choices, and tweets they definitely regretted in the morning.
Here are just a few folks who made this week’s list of unfortunate life choices. Let’s collectively learn from their unfortunate errors, shall we?
1. The CEO of Uber
Uber CEO Travis Kalanick made waves earlier this week when a video was released of Kalanick arguing with and disrespecting one of his Uber drivers. While Kalanick wasn’t necessarily violent or aggressive in the video, he was certainly a Class A douchebag, telling the driver “Good luck to you, but I know [you’re not] going to go far! ” when questioned about the drop in Uber Black prices.
Not surprisingly, those who saw the video were not impressed with the CEO’s behavior, and believe that it reflected poorly on his leadership skills (yeah, duh).
As a result, Kalanick promised the public that he would be seeking out leadership assistance (whatever the hell that means).
“It’s clear this video is a reflection of me — and the criticism we’ve received is a stark reminder that I must fundamentally change as a leader and grow up,” Kalanick said in a statement. “This is the first time I’ve been willing to admit that I need leadership help and I intend to get it.”
Mmkay, Travis. Good luck with that.
2. Melania Trump
During a recent visit to Children’s Hospital in Washington, D.C., First Lady Melania Trump claimed that she believed “nature” could heal the sick children — you know, right as her husband and his administration are in the process of rolling back the Affordable Care Act, which would leave roughly 13 million children without health care coverage.
“I am a passionate believer in integrating and interpreting nature’s elements into our daily lives to create a warm, nurturing and positive environment,” she apparently said in a statement. “I believe that these same natural benefits can be instrumental to enhancing the health and well-being of all children.”
Yeah, but like … what about actual health care?!
3. David Goss
This week, the CEO of TrumpSingles.com, David Goss, announced that he will be producing a Trump-themed reality dating show, with politics as the centerpiece. (You know, the show that literally nobody asked for.)
“We are excited with the new development of making a show to showcase the polarity of the dating world with today’s divisiveness and see if people with opposing views can have a loving and meaningful relationship,” Goss told The Hollywood Reporter.
So, basically: put two people who disagree about the current state of U.S. politics on a first date, and see what happens.
GEE, WHAT COULD GO WRONG??
4. Whoever attacked this Guatemalan hippo in his zoo enclosure.
You guys. Someone snuck into the zoo in El Salvador and fatally attacked their hippo, Gustavito.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF A HUMAN MONSTER ATTACKS A HIPPO IN CAPTIVITY? LIKE, I AM LEGITIMATELY INFURIATED BY THIS HIPPO’S DEATH. HIS NAME WAS GUSTAVITO, WHICH I’M PRETTY SURE MEANS ‘LITTLE GUSTAV.’ THAT IS THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD.
The assailant is still at large, but I fully hope that this anonymous piece of shit gets their comeuppance.
5. Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom
You know what? I was rooting for the weird, yet strangely sensical union between Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom. I wanted it to work out. I felt like Katy deserved this, especially after being married to Russell Brand.
But, this week, the couple announced via their publicists that they are both “taking respectful, loving space at this time.”
Which I guess is this year’s version of “conscious uncoupling.”
What makes this unfortunate development all the more “HELL Naw!”-worthy is the it widespread speculation that Bloom’s snuggling with a hospitality worker during a pre-Oscars party at Tao nightclub ultimately led to the breakup.
If this is the case, I’m honestly glad that Katy Perry kicked this philanderer to the curb.