It’s important to not settle for less than you deserve … and yet. Many of us are unknowingly selling ourselves short when it comes to our personal happiness and quality of life. Even if your day-to-day is fairly satisfactory, you may have certain habits which prevent you from living life to the fullest.
Here are some ways that you are very likely settling for less — and how to counteract these pesky customs.
1. You fake your orgasms … all the time.
It may seem like a harmless infraction — but if you would rather eke out out some requisite, insincere moans than talk with your partner about your boudoir needs, it’s an indicator that you don’t necessarily believe your pleasure is a priority. It may seems like an awkward conversation to have (particularly when you’re *ahem* in the middle of things), but your life and your relationship will benefit from you actually asking for what you want in bed.
2. You hedge your opinions by phrasing them as questions.
You know what I’m talking about: instead of firmly expressing a thought, you downplay it by presenting it as a question, and tossing in some “maybes” and “I dunnos.” Constantly speaking as though you’re unsure of your own feelings tells other people you aren’t assertive and have zero confidence in your ideas. You know what you think — stop playing dumb.
3. You chase after people who don’t return your texts or invitations to hang out.
Value your time. Although it’s important to be forgiving of others when it’s due, it’s also important to recognize that you have worth. If someone romantically or platonically ghosts you every time you suggest getting together, perhaps it’s time to stop engaging in the text message chitchat, and turn your attentions to people who will actually respect you enough to not consistently flake out on you.
4. You have never discussed a raise with your boss.
Okay, okay — if you’ve worked at your job for less than six months, feel free to ignore this piece of advice. If, however, you’ve been with a company longer than six months, it’s not absurd to float the idea of idea of increased financial compensation. It seems like a daunting idea, but if you have solid reason to believe that you deserve a raise (and are prepared to eloquently explain those reasons to your boss), then having the discussion is perfectly reasonable. Your boss may be unable to fulfill your request, but there’s a good chance that they’ll appreciate your honesty and proactive sensibilities when the opportunity to dole out future promotions comes along.
5. You don’t set aside money from each paycheck.
Ugh. I know. It’s hard. But setting aside even a small amount (like twenty dollars) every paycheck is an easy way to kickstart your savings. It won’t seem like much at first, but over time, saving will become a practiced habit, and it wll help you to value your earnings more. (Plus it will help you feel like an actual adult, which is always a bonus.)
6. You stick around at parties or events even if you’re not having fun.
There are benefits to going through with things you don’t want to do — but remember what I said earlier about valuing your time? If you’re miserable at a particular social gathering for any reason, you owe it to yourself to go somewhere or do something that you actually enjoy. Simply politely extricate yourself from the situation without insulting anybody, and move on with your damn life.
7. You don’t apply for your dream job positions because you’re worried you’re under-qualified.
Don’t sell yourself short — stop assuming that you aren’t good enough for opportunities that interest you. Sure, you may not get the position, but isn’t the possibility of making a huge career leap worth that gamble?
8. You hang on to clothing you’ll never wear wear again, as well as meaningless clutter.
It’s not complicated: you don’t need to be living in piles of your accumulated material possessions. Trust that you’ll be just fine if you get rid of that $10 shirt from Forever21 that never really fit you in the first place. Let old shit out of your life to make room for new, positive shit.
9. You hang out with toxic people, even though you know they’re toxic.
If you find yourself spending time with acquaintances who constantly make you feel judged, or like an outcast, it’s time to find yourself a new circle of friends. Because here’s the thing: you deserve to be around people who treat you with respect. It’s as simple as that. Cut yourself free from the negativity and surround yourself with people who make you happy.
10. You spend your free time sitting in front of the TV.
We are all guilty of this, and it seems laughable to cast aspersions on anybody who enjoys a good Netflix binge-watching session. But, at the same time, you have more to offer the world than $10 a month for a streaming service subscription. It’s important to foster hobbies that you can do during your free-time that actually encourage you to get out of your apartment — or, at the very least, get off the couch
11. You eat basically the same thing every day/night.
Sure, there’s the old adage “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” (sorry, my Southern is showing), but there’s also a saying that I just made up, which goes “If you do the same stuff all the time you will literally die of suffocating boredom.” Change it up! Let yourself try new things! Otherwise what are you even doing with your life?? (Don’t answer that.)
12. You are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want the same things that you want.
Your relationship can be totally smooth sailing in the daily sense — but if the two of you are avoiding conversations about the important future decisions and mutual goals, then there’s a chance that the two of you are in “coasting mode.” This doesn’t mean you should pull the plug, but it does mean that you need to step back and think about how fulfilled you are in the relationship.
13. You aren’t setting long-term goals for yourself, or mapping out how to achieve them.
It’s important to live in the present, but it’s also important to set standards for yourself in the long term. Knowing what you want from the future is the best way to motivate yourself to keep making positive steps. Plus, it keeps life from getting boring — and isn’t that a greta motivator in and of itself?