It's funny how the phrase is "on your period." Like you're on a drug. Prolly because it makes you insane, but at the same time ooo brownies
— Jamie A Lee (@TheJamieLee) June 6, 2013
Always a relief when you get your period & realize you're not in fact pregnant WITH SADNESS
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 22, 2016
hey boy, are you my period? because you're annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) November 8, 2015
My period is like a houseguest: always shows up on the weekend and inspires me to overeat junk food.
— Selena Coppock (@SelenaCoppock) May 16, 2015
"Parting the Red Sea" is my favorite biblical miracle that's also a euphemism for fingering a woman on her period.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 7, 2015
Day 4 of my period I'm like "LOL settle down now. I get it. I'm not pregnant."
— Jackie Carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) January 21, 2016
When you start your period and you realize you're another month closer to death.
— shaw tt (@MeganNahhhman) August 27, 2015
I track my period by my reactions to laughing baby videos on the internet. According to the amount of crying I just did, I'm 4 days away.
— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) August 26, 2015
I swear to god, if males could menstruate, we'd all get monthly leave for the first three days of our periods.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) October 14, 2015
You know what? Fuck it. I'm just going to go up to every man on the street that I can find and start describing my last period to him.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 31, 2016
Just teared up at this bar bathroom graffiti telling me to love myself so no, I don't need your period tracker app
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) August 21, 2016
Sometimes getting my period feels like the universe's way of saying "You definitely shouldn't fuck that guy."
— ali waller (@imaliwaller) July 22, 2011
I blame everything on having my period/being about to start my period/just finishing my period.
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) March 10, 2016
I google "what happens during a period" once every month
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) October 11, 2013
On the one hand getting your period sucks but on the other it makes you totes unfazed when the blood of your enemies spills into your hands
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) September 4, 2016
going to bathroom to check if your period started even tho you know it hasnt = refreshing your inbox even tho u know theres no new emails
— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) August 8, 2016
love to forget to take my tampon out until after i've peed so i get to pull on the pee string 🙂
— yung ellen barkin (@christinefriar) August 16, 2016
7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?"
7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) November 20, 2015
him: what u doin
me: (finger painting with period blood) nothin u
— Jess [ham] ☂️ (@thejessbess) September 9, 2016
me on my period
me: are u mad at me
him: I just sneezed
me: idk seemed like an angry sneeze tho
— lil t (@gothmoneytkeyah) April 5, 2016
Do I have to poop or is that my period? The autobiography
— Rhiannon (@RhiannonBegeal) May 7, 2016
Me: Didn't they tell you that I was a savage
Me on my period: *cries about not holding the door for someone 6 years ago*
— Becky Kaminsky (@beckkaminsk) October 14, 2016
I understand that we gotta shed our uterine lining once a month, but the bloating and acne that accompanies it is just bullying.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) October 14, 2016
Sometimes being on your period means shedding an actual tear over spilled ranch dressing & still having to accept yourself for who you are.
— Janie Johnson (@jarojohn_) October 17, 2016
I wish "squirting" referred to the ability to squirt menstrual blood in the eyes of misogynistic men at will.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) October 6, 2016
Instead of being like "ugh are you on your period?" BUY ME SOME CHOCOLATE, A CHEESECAKE, A PUPPY, IM BLEEDING AND IN PAIN.
— Caroline☼ (@CarolineAnn27) November 7, 2015
Menstrual cramps are just free samples of what giving birth feels like
— Supa Fly Hella Dope (@cerealtndencies) October 18, 2015
Oh you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg and now my body is ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get u a tissue?
— No Autographs Please (@Angneedshelp) October 21, 2012
There Will Be Blood: instructional video for men to stop being giant babies about dealing with periods.
— Bez (@Bez) August 26, 2015
I like to discuss my heavy flow on first dates, so men know that I'm fertile.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 14, 2015
"Wow I wish there was a way for us to know whether or not we're pregnant." — women
"Hahaha be careful what you ask for." — God or w/e
— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) August 11, 2015
Wow uterus. Sorry I didn't get you pregnant. No need to throw a temper tantrum.
— Mean Blonde Barbies (@meaniebarbie) October 4, 2012
Someone hold me and tell me this period isn't actually baby Satan trying to rip through my uterus and kill me
— Andi (@andreakaye_x) March 14, 2016
Why is it called menstruating and not womenstruating?
— april lavalle (@imatoofbrush) December 28, 2015
Every time I sneeze while I'm on my period I feel like a tube of ketchup
— r (@SimplyRania) March 10, 2017
Period:🎶Guess who's back… Back again🎶
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fucking singing.
— Lacey Nycole (@LaceyNycole) December 5, 2015
a woman's period is like once a month her body accidentally hits caps lock on her emotions
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 3, 2016
is my period making me hormonal or am I really just this unhappy and emotional: a novel by me
— mothership (@court_morris_) March 28, 2017
They should put prizes in tampon boxes lmao like yeah your period sucks but here’s 75% off some ice cream
— Kelly (@k3llytweets) March 26, 2017