WTF Is Happening To These Button-Down Shirts?

Recently, Rebecca Jennings published a piece for Racked which attempted to get break down a disturbing new clothing trend: “Elevated Shirting.”

You’ve probably seen the shirts in question: they’re off-kilter, usually button-downs, and they make the person wearing them look like an unmade bed. So, naturally, they’re considered the height of fashion at the moment! It seems that almost every women’s clothing outlet, from expensive department stores to Forever 21, has embraced elevated shirting on some level.

Jennings writes that the most important qualification for this “Elevated Shirting” is as follows:

* The Shirt will be made of either 100 percent cotton or poplin (which is essentially thicc cotton).

* The Shirt will be an unassuming color traditionally associated with business, such as white, light blue, or, if it’s an advanced Shirt, white and light blue pinstripes.

* The Shirt will be asymmetrical.

For all intents and purposes, the “shirting” is a deconstructed button-down shirt. Occasionally, it attempts to create the illusion that the wearer has casually rolled out of bed and grabbed some man’s dress shirt to wrap around their body, a la Holly Golightly — though it usually just ends up looking like the individual forgot to do laundry.

Um. What is this? Is this a mistake?

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What? No. Stop pretending shoulder peepholes are a thing we need.

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GAH. Why?? Nobody needs ruffles and buttoned cuffs in the same piece of clothing!

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I do not accept this as a shirt. This looks like that sad, pink dress after Molly Ringwald got her hands on it in Pretty In Pink.

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NO THANKS. KEEP IT. WE DON’T NEED THIS.

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Unless you’re Scarlett O’Hara and suddenly found the need to tailor a blouse using only your pillowcase, or something, I regret to inform everyone that this particular “shirting” trend needs to go quietly into the night, so we can all pretend it never existed.

Also, if you really feel compelled to ape the trend, here’s a pro-tip: you can probably take one of your dad’s old button-downs, cut out random portions (including the shoulders and elbows), and get a similar effect. Because if you’re going to wear one of these abominations and look like a business-class buccaneer, the least you can do is not spend hundreds of dollars.

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