There’s plenty of talk about finding the right partner, but what about BEING the right partner? If you want to find an amazing guy, you have to be an amazing woman too. Here’s how:
1. Take an honest inventory of the character traits you have in stock.
Are you loving? Honest? Compassionate? What areas of your character are running low and could use some TLC? It’s tremendously hard to look at yourself honestly, but at the end of the day, it’s so worth it. Just bringing awareness to where you could use some work opens up space for you to start making changes in the right direction.
2. Examine what you bring to the table… and own it.
Being a partner worth dating isn’t just about looking at the character traits that could use work; it’s also about looking at the awesome things you have to offer. Maybe you’re really funny, dedicated, and great at communicating. Know this about yourself and own it! Confidence grounded in reality is hugely important in knowing you’re a worthwhile partner.
3. Get used to the idea that no one can fix you because you’re already whole.
Examining all of your internal goods brings a sense of confidence because you’ve done the hard work. Use this confidence to help you understand the fact that no other human being can fix you. No relationship will solve your problems. You don’t need it to, anyway — you’ve already seen that you’re a whole person.
4. Make peace with the single life.
It’s okay to hope for a lovely partner, but if you’re always stuck dreaming about the future, it’s going to ruin your present experience. Make peace with being single. Then you’ll enjoy singlehood more and when you do have a lovely relationship, you won’t be as terrified for it to end because you’ll know that your single life is okay to go back to.
5. Have hobbies and interests that make you who you are.
The internal digging is crucial, but it’s also equally as important to be out there living your life. Have hobbies like sports, art, or something outdoorsy that help shape who you are. Having interests makes you a well-rounded person. You’ll enjoy life more and your partner will appreciate knowing they’re not your whole life.
6. Be unapologetically yourself.
Staying true to yourself is one of the most freeing acts you can do. It’s choosing to be who you are no matter what situation you’re in. This may mean wearing eclectic clothes or speaking your truth — whatever your flavor of unapologetic self, own it and watch the potential suitors line up at the door and your happiness levels rise to new heights.
7. Develop self-trust.
A sense of self-trust is something that can never be taken away from you. Similar to being unapologetically yourself, it’s listening to your internal compass. You have an intuition that seeks to guide you in your life. If you listen to it, you’ll build self-trust because you’ll realize that your gut will not lead you astray. A worthwhile partner will deeply appreciate your level of self-trust.
8. Work through your baggage.
Too many people get into relationships to ignore all of their baggage that’s piled up around them. Instead of allowing this disaster, becoming a person worth dating means that you’re willing to dig through your baggage and clean it up. You’re going to bring as clean of a slate as possible to your next romantic encounter.
9. Accept responsibility for your mistakes.
Since you’ve taken an honest look at your stuff, you know you’re an imperfect person. You have made and will continue to make mistakes. A defining characteristic, though, of being a person worth dating is that you’re willing to make things right by accepting responsibility. This will make for healthier relationships all around.
10. Learn to set healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life.
Boundaries are about self-respect. Start saying “no” at work and with friends when you feel it’s right. Don’t always say “yes” just because you are afraid of what someone will think otherwise. In respecting yourself in this way you’ll be adding coins of self-esteem to your esteemable acts piggy bank.
11. Go out of your way to let others know you’re thinking of them.
Thoughtfulness goes a long way. Letting people you love know that you’re thinking of them is great for maintaining a healthy connection. It’s also great practice for when you’re in a relationship; you’ll know how to show that special someone that they’re important to you.
12. Practice gratitude.
The effects of practicing gratitude aren’t to be understated. It may seem like a tired out platitude, but expressing gratitude changes your heart. Each day take some time to think about things in your life that you’re thankful for. This practice helps train your mind to start seeing the positive in life and in love.
Ginelle Testa is a wordsmith by trade and hobby. She’s a queer gal whose passions include recovery/sobriety, social justice, body positivity, and intersectional feminism. In the rare moments she isn’t writing, you can find her holding her own in a recreational street hockey league, thrifting eclectic attire, and imperfectly practicing Buddhism. Check out her blog!