In your dreams, you’re a strong, independent single girl and dudes are lining up around the block for a chance with you. In reality, it’s really tough to want to keep trying when your dating life is a mess of bad dates and ghosting and missed opportunities. If you’re losing your dating motivation, there’s really no reason to freak out. Here’s why it’s okay:
1. You only need one guy to erase your solo status.
You only need one yes to get a job and you only need to meet one guy to find love. Sure, that can feel impossible (especially if you’re online dating), but it’ll make tons of sense when you finally meet someone that you click with. If you don’t feel like dating this week (or this month), that’s really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
2. You really will benefit from a dating break.
There’s nothing worse than forcing yourself to go on a first date when you don’t want to. You’re just going to be super bored, waiting for the night to end so you can go home to your sweatpants and Netflix. That’s no way to meet anyone. Give yourself the time and space to just be yourself and forget about dating for a bit.
3. Yet go of the cycle of terrible first dates.
When you’re single and dating, you tend to do the same thing all the time: you go on a first date, it sucks, and you line up another one with a different guy. That doesn’t help you, especially not when you keep getting disappointed. Of course you don’t feel like dating anymore. No one would. Let go of this awful cycle and take a step back.
4. You’re learning more than you think.
Just because you haven’t become someone’s girlfriend yet doesn’t mean that you’re wasting your time. You’re learning more than you think each and every time you go on a date. You’re figuring out who you want to date, who you definitely never want to see again, and what makes you happy. That’s no small thing. When you think of it like that, taking a few weeks off isn’t going to do anything.
5. You don’t have to date just because you’re single.
It can be hard to realize this when your friends and family are constantly asking when you’re going to meet someone. It’s easy to feel like you’re wasting your time if you’re taking a time-out from dating, but being in the wrong headspace will only upset you. Remember that you don’t have to date just because you’re not in a relationship.
6. You might need to fix one part of your life.
Sometimes when you’re upset about one thing, you realize that something else is bugging you. Maybe you feel like going on dates is taking time away from your best friend happy hours or spending time with your family. Maybe your job is boring and you want to make a career change. You can totally focus on the parts of your life that have nothing to do with dating.
7. You might be close to finally meeting a decent guy.
It’s easy to give up when you’re unhappy with the guys that you’re meeting and the dates that you’re going on. The truth is that when you get really frustrated, that’s when you might be close to meeting the guy you’ve been waiting for. You always hear stories about forever single women who were this close to stopping the search and then met someone amazing. Why can’t that happen to you?
8. You have a right to be fed up.
There’s a long list of problems with dating and you’re not alone when you experience this stuff. When you’ve had your tenth false start with a new guy this year, it’s no wonder that you’re done with dating. You have a right to be fed up and you have a right to lose your dating motivation.
9. You can’t date 24/7 — you need a life.
You would be the most boring, lame person if you went on date after date, night after night. You can’t possibly keep that up. You would be miserable and stressed AF in no time. Remind yourself that when you’re just not in the mood to make small talk with yet another stranger, there’s nothing wrong with that. Catch up with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Go to a movie you’re dying to see. Live a little.
10. You won’t feel this way forever.
You may think that you’re over the search for love and you’re never going to change your mind… but you probably will. If love is one of your goals, that’s not going to just go away. So focus on your own life, don’t go on any dates right now, and wait for your excitement to return. Your dating life will always be there, waiting for you when you’re ready.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.