16 hilarious confessions by harmless people who aren’t afraid to admit their faults

 

Let’s face it, we’re basically an eclectic crew of weird minds that are constantly surrounded by accidental entertainment. And by we, I mean all humans, so no pointing fingers. We’re forgetful, imperfect people who think it’s a good idea to do strange things all too often. This under-valued quirkiness makes us awesome, which is why these simple confessions below are so great. Instead of moulding with majority, keep it weird, even if you’re like these Redditors who are keeping it anonymous.

1. BipedSnowman is hoping no one notices.

I crouched at work today and my pants split. It’s unnoticeable unless I were to lie on the ground and spread my legs as wide as possible while lifting my butt, but it’s there.

2. Clockworknyxia truly needs clothes.

I can’t poop naked. If I have and emergency and I’m naked, then I will put on pants first to rush to the bathroom and pull them back down.

There is no logic to this except I feel too vulnerable without that feeling of pants around my legs.

3. But Abushk has the opposite problem.

Sometimes when I’m naked in the bathroom I lift my leg up as high as I can in the mirror to see if I could kick a really tall guy in the head.

4. OMG Aroha11‘s, seriously??

I never watched ‘Friends’, not even one episode.

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5. Jgraham1 wants to see how far he can go.

I’m watching a show with my girlfriend that I’ve already seen, but she doesn’t know that. I’m trying to see how many incredibly accurate predictions I can make before she catches on. 

6. Permanent forgetfulness happened to SpaceDuckyGoesQuark. Thanks, alcohol.

Drunk me forgot my PIN number when I walked to the grocery store once. Not temporarily forgot, the brain cell holding that info straight up died and I never recovered it.

7. Jovial-Microbe prevents road rage by imagining.

When I see people driving excessively fast I always imagine that they are currently in the process of shitting themselves. It makes me giggle and be less pissed off about it.

8. TexMcBadass turned his situation into a random act of kindness.

Yesterday at the dog park I couldn’t find where my dog pooped, so I picked up a different dog’s poop instead and called it even.

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9. If you’re like Effendoor, you forget your pet’s name completely.

I forgot my cats name for a while there because i gave him so many nicknames.

10. Welly2018 deserved dessert.

I did an hour and a half of yoga today. And then ate a full pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked.

 

11. Rowan954‘s hate is harmless.

If I dislike someone, I will deliberately mispronounce their name.

12. Flippermode just wanted to smell fresh.

One time i put liquid soap in my mouth to see if my breath would smell like the soap.

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13. TinyStarShadow has an odd aphrodisiac.

The smell of a fresh raw steak actually turns me on a bit. It’s slightly alarming but I figure that’s why I always jump my husband after a good steak dinner. So there’s a plus side to it.

14. Flippermode isn’t sure if anyone around heard…

I zoned out so hard at work yesterday that I let out a cheek vibrating fart. The loud sound jolted me back into reality and I was ashamed. I don’t know if anyone heard it.

This is perfect because I needed to tell someone but I didn’t want anyone to know. hi.

15. EarthboundHTX didn’t even need to be there.

My freshman year of college I went in the wrong classroom, and I was too embarrassed to leave so I sat through a class that I wasn’t in for the day.

16. You’re not the only one, Jefferlewpew

I lie to My Fitness Pal when I’ve eaten more than I should.

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