I prefer older guys, but I know they just want me for all the wrong reasons

Older guys are hot AF. I totally have a thing for guys who are 40+ and I know I’m not the only girl who feels this way…For the most part, they’re mature, put together and reliable — pretty much the best kinda guys out there. The only thing is, I’m starting to feel like they’re using me for other reasons besides actual love. Here’s why I think older dudes like me:

1. So they can tell their friends.

I’m convinced that half the reason these old dudes date me is so they can tell their friends that a younger woman finds them attractive. It doesn’t matter what I look like, as long as I was born a few (or many) years after they were. For some reason, that makes me hot in their eyes and therefore more valuable. I highly doubt that these guys are with me because they love my soul or appreciate my intellect. They must love telling their buddies that they’ve scored a 25-year-old. Just thinking about it makes my eyes roll.

2. So they can feel superior.

Most older guys have this weird superiority complex that they’re just itching to unleash on some innocent, young woman such as myself. They think they’re right about everything and will use the age gap between us as a way to assert themselves in practically every situation. I like being led by a strong, confident man, but I don’t like being talked down to just because I’m younger.

3. So they can use me for my body.

I’m in the supposed “prime” of my life and I’d be crazy to think that the older guys I date don’t notice. They LOVE showing me off and a part of me loves it too. It’s just a little disheartening when I think that the main reason why they’re with me is the way I look. I mean, why else would they be hanging out with someone young enough to be their kid (or at least their much younger sibling)? I’m sure they would prefer to talk to a woman their own age as opposed to having SnapChat explained to them.

4. So they can study me.

A lot of the older guys I date are more intrigued by me than they are actually attracted to me. They think it’s fun and cool to be with a young girl like me. I’m kind of like a never-ending source of entertainment for them. It’s weird, though — sometimes I get the feeling that they’re living vicariously through me as if my life is so interesting. It makes me feel like I’m being examined, like I’m always under the microscope and being judged on every single thing I do.

5. So they can “feel young again.”

Let’s face it — these guys haven’t truly let go of their childish ways and now they’re using me as an excuse to hold onto them for as long as possible. Staying out late, getting drunk, playing hooky from work — I’m like their own personal vacation. I’m just waiting for the day when they snap out of it and that’s when I’ll get dropped.

6. So they can hold onto their freedom.

Guys value their freedom over anything else and sometimes I feel like the older dudes I date see me as somewhat of a free pass. They know that I’m still finding myself and have no plans on settling down, so they take full advantage of that. They’re not only getting a super cool girlfriend out of the deal but also that sweet, sweet freedom they live for. At this point, I don’t even know if they date me because they like me or because they’re using me as a get out of jail free card.

7. So they don’t have to deal with older women.

The old guys I date will always comment on how women their age always seem to want something out of them. They say they’re too clingy and only want to use them for their money and resources. I always roll my eyes when I hear this because they just don’t understand the concept of a ticking biological clock. Guys have this luxury of having kids and settling down into their middle age whereas women definitely don’t, at least not with the same level of ease. So guess what, dude — we don’t WANT to be clingy, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. They praise me for being so free-spirited and “chill” but it’s only because I’m in no rush.

8. So they can spoil me.

The great thing about older guys is that they’re more or less stable in their careers, meaning they have plenty of moolah in the bank. I don’t want them to spend money on me, but they always seem to insist. They say in the moment that they want to pay for me but then get all smug when I accept. Even though they say it’s unconditional, I always feel like I owe them for it.

9. So they can “save me.”

These guys always seem to see me as a helpless little girl who doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing with her life no matter how much awesome shit I accomplish. I’m sure they mean well, but they tend to get over-protective and assume I can’t do anything to save my life. When they help me in that demeaning way they do, it makes me feel lesser than. It’s almost like they’re my teacher — or even worse, like my dad.

10. So they can fulfill their weird fantasies.

I’m not naive. These guys love the idea of having sex with a younger woman. It makes them feel in control and dominant — and don’t get me wrong, that’s totally hot, but I don’t want them to be with me for the sole reason of getting off.

Jennifer Lee is a playwright, dancer and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada.

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