There are few things in life more complicated than romantic partnerships. Not only do you have all the tricky elements of any other relationship to manage, you add in the extra issue of sex. It can either make everything easier or more difficult. If he’s not cutting it in bed, you’re perfectly justified in kicking him to the curb. Here’s why:
1. You have to be compatible.
Sexual compatibility is a huge element of any successful romantic relationship between two people. If you don’t have common ground on all fronts, including the bedroom, it isn’t going to last. This is why you shouldn’t feel bad if you want to call it quits over his lack of sexual skills. It’s not anything that you can fix by yourself.
2. Sexual chemistry is just as important as any other kind of chemistry.
I’m no scientist, but I know this much. You need all the chemistries: mental, emotional, and physical. It’s not enough to have two out of three. You can have mental and physical, but without emotional, your love will never be deep enough. You can have emotional and physical, but you won’t feel adequately mentally challenged. You can have mental and emotional, but without physical, you’re just best friends.
3. A relationship can’t survive terrible sex.
And it shouldn’t! You might’ve hoped things would improve and they didn’t. It is possible that sexual chemistry can develop over time, but it’s not a great sign if it isn’t there in the beginning when everything is fresh and new. It’s one thing if someone isn’t very experienced and just needs a little guidance, but if he’s simply lazy and doesn’t give you what you ask for, it’s perfectly fine to call it quits.
4. You’re lovers, not roommates.
There’s nothing worse than lying next to the person you’re dating and realizing you haven’t had sex in weeks and you don’t even care. It’s a definite problem, and yes, you will have lulls. It’s up to the two of you to keep it fresh, interesting, and consistent. If it’s just been shitty sex all along, though, that’s a whole different story. Life is too short to put up with that. Just don’t do it.
5. If he isn’t taking feedback and improving, you can’t help that.
It’s a two-way street and you can only do so much. You can offer him pointers and try to make your sex life together better, but if he isn’t getting the hint, you’re going to have to bail. You’re too strong and sexy to waste your life with someone who isn’t giving you what you need in bed. There are definitely men out there who will jump at the chance to satisfy you.
6. If you ignore the problem, you’ll never be happy.
You can’t ignore any problem in a relationship. It’ll fester endlessly until you either address it or blow up. Bottling up issues usually ends up causing fights. You have to admit that you are not happy sexually and be true to yourself. You need good sex to have a good relationship. It’s okay to break up with someone if he isn’t giving you what you require.
7. You deserve someone who cares about your pleasure.
Selfish lovers are the worst. Whether he’s lazy, unconcerned about your needs, or simply has no sex drive … it’s all problematic. You need someone whose sexual preferences match up with your own. The best lovers care about the pleasure of their partners above everything else. If you’re both inclined to be this way, you’ll have amazing sex. If not, well, go find someone who is. Your body is fully worthy of complete and total worship!
8. If you’re having bad sex, the rest of your relationship probably isn’t cutting it either.
There are always problems elsewhere when a major component of the relationship isn’t going well. Maybe you simply didn’t notice or maybe you’ve been in denial. The thing about sex is that it’s a lot harder to ignore when you’re having bad sex than when there’s, say, a lack of emotional connection. It sucks to have a shitty sex life and it’s going to make you grouchy as hell. Cut your losses, admit you aren’t happy, and move on.
9. You might end up doing something you regret otherwise.
Even if you swear you’d never cheat, it happens. You might not actually go through with it, but chances are if you aren’t getting sexually satisfied at home, you’re going to start thinking about other guys inappropriately. Mental cheating is sometimes just a harmful to a relationship as actually doing it physically. If that’s where you are, you need to take care of yourself and get out of an unhealthy situation. You obviously aren’t happy.
10. If you’re potentially going to have sex with the same person forever, it needs to be good.
The person you pick as your lifetime partner is going to have to put in as much work and effort as you do. If he’s not good in bed and he does nothing to fix that, why would you give him the gift of your body forever? Frankly, he doesn’t deserve it. Any time you feel bad about leaving someone over subpar sex, remind yourself that you would never treat him the same way he’s treating you.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy Horton is excited to be here sharing her stories! She hopes that they resonate with you or at the very least make you chuckle a bit. She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and The Indie Chicks.