I don’t have close female friends anymore and feel like I’m missing out

I don’t know how it happened, but at this point in my life, I don’t have a single female BFF. Until recently, I was cool with having mainly male friends, but now that I’m in my 30s, I’m starting to feel like I’m missing an important part of life without my best girls by my side.

1. Girlfriends offer a different type of connection.

There’s something really special about having close female friends. I connect with them in a different way than I do with men. Sure, men can be nurturing, but women can sometimes understand each other in a way men can’t ever compete with. I feel like I’m missing out on that.

2. I miss the lightness.

There’s something about girlfriends that’s liberating. I remember nights out on the town with my best friends where we could just be girly AF and totally silly without worrying about what others would think. I miss that light-heartedness because there’s not enough of it in the world.

3. They’re a support structure.

Best friends are talked about, written about and there are movies made about them. They’re a special relationship that everyone should have because they last a lifetime. Best friends have seen me through thick and thin in the past, but without them, I’m lacking an important support structure.

4. I feel jealous without these friendships.

When I see BFFs on Facebook talking about how much they care for each other, I feel jealous. Same goes for when I watch movies like “Miss You Already” and “Sisters.” I have other great relationships in my life, but I know the value that solid female friendships can bring. No one knows a woman like her best friends.

5. Sisters will stick around.

That’s what I’ve heard my whole life, mainly from older people who learned this truth due to experience. But somehow, I lost touch with all my sisters from other mothers. Now that I’m getting older, I feel nostalgic about the friendships we used to have and can’t imagine not having them around in the future. We used to joke about being 90-somethings together in old age homes, but now I’m facing that future alone.

6. Besties are guaranteed.

Having close female friendships is not just about sharing laughter and gossip with other women, but supporting each other through dark days. It’s about knowing there are people there no matter what happens. One can’t always rely on men to be there, but there are best girls for that.

7. I don’t want to isolate myself.

I’ve been without strong female friendships for a few years and it’s funny how it’s started to make me feel isolated. I don’t fit into the world of female friendships anymore. I’m on the outside looking in. Women are sometimes wary of me because I don’t have close female friends. It feels horrible. I feel like I don’t belong to my own tribe.

8. It’s more than surface-level friendship.

Sure, I have friendships with women, but it’s usually surface-level stuff. That’s not the same as having a deep, lifelong bond with women in which we can talk about the struggles we all face and uplift each other. There’s magic that happens when women get together: it’s the feeling that the world had better watch out because when we combine our energies, great achievements are in store.

9. It’s healthy to have female friends.

A study published in the Hormones and Behavior journal found that women who are emotionally close to each other produce more progesterone, a hormone that helps to reduce stress levels and boost mood. With so much stress in the world, I could do with more stress-reducing friendships.

10. It’s important to have people who will be real.

Only real friends will tell me the truth without sugarcoating it. My best female friends have always reminded me who I am and how to stay on track with my purpose, especially the ones who’ve known me since kindergarten. I’ve had best friends tell me I’m too classy for a loser guy and reminded me why I’m such a catch when I’ve had my heart broken. They’ve kept me on the right path but now I only have myself to depend on.

11. I don’t know how to deal with women.

When I see a group of women who look like they’re having a blast, I stop in envy. Sure, I could walk up to them and introduce myself or compliment them on their stunning shoes, but I would feel so awkward. I’ve lost the ability to deal with women because I’m so used to being around men and having male friends. I’ve lost that part of me that could connect with women, and it’s sad.

12. Both good and bad female friendships have made me grow.

Of course I know that not every female friendship can be great all the time, but I’ve learned that any close friendship with women can be beneficial. When I’ve had a supportive, amazing best friend in my life, I’ve felt like I could conquer the world and love myself. When I’ve had a frenemy I loved to hate, I’ve surprisingly been motivated to improve myself and achieve more. So really it’s a win-win every time, but without female friends in my life, I feel like I’m a loser.

Giulia Simolo is a freelance writer living in Johannesburg, South Africa. She writes for local and international websites, with a special interest in writing about dating. In her spare time, she can be found blissed out in a bookstore or writing fiction of her own. She loves Oscar Wilde, organic beauty products and Italian food.

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