Being in a relationship means you’ve found someone you want to spend all your time with. You miss them like crazy when they aren’t around and you’d text them all day long if you could. Sounds like exactly what we’re all looking for, right? Maybe in theory that sounds great, but in reality, spending too much time with someone can actually cause a lot of problems. Ideally, you should find someone who you genuinely want to spend tons of time with, but not actually spend all that time with them. Here’s how overdoing it can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship.
1. They become your whole world.
If you do literally everything with your significant other, you probably don’t have many experiences or memories that don’t include them. Not that it’s a bad thing to experience life with the person you love–of course it isn’t. But at the same time, it’s okay to do things without them too. There are plenty of people in the world, so why limit yourself to having a close relationship with only one? Basically, your Instagram deserves more than just couple selfies.
2. You start neglecting your friends.
It’s only natural to make your boyfriend your top priority, but that doesn’t mean you should be letting your friendships fizzle out for him. Your friendships are going to change as you get older because everyone is busy with their careers and following their own path. But no one is too busy to catch up over drinks once a month — I don’t care what they say. You don’t have to be attached at the hip to stay friends, you just have to adjust. Don’t let your relationship get in the way of that — you might regret it.
3. You get too comfortable.
When you spend all your time together, you start taking each other’s presence for granted. It’s definitely not a bad thing to be comfortable with the person you’re dating, but being too comfortable can mean you aren’t trying anymore. You just assume everything is fine and you’re together no matter what. But that’s not how healthy relationships work — you always have to be putting the effort in to make things better than fine.
4. You run out of things to talk about.
If you go to all the same restaurants, see every movie together and spend all your down time together, what are you going to talk about? Of course, there are always current events and your plans for the future, but sometimes it’s nice to spend some time apart just to get that feeling of excitement to fill them in on something funny that happened.
5. You never have a chance to miss each other.
Missing someone is actually a pretty good sign that you love them. Not to mention, the reunion after spending some time apart is always a great feeling. Spending every second together means you no longer know what it’s like when they aren’t around and that will make any separation that comes up a lot harder to deal with.
6. You start wanting a change.
Every relationship gets to the point where nothing is really new anymore, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s only bad if you get there and you aren’t comfortable — you’re just bored. That’s why you shouldn’t rush it. Take your time getting to know each other and easing into each other’s lives. That way you won’t suddenly realize you’re in too deep to easily make a change.
7. You forget who you are without each other.
Even if you’re the closest couple on the face of the earth, you’re both still individuals and it’s important to remember that. It’s amazing to have someone who is like your other half that you can always count on. At the same time, if you no longer have an identity outside of your relationship, you could end up resenting each other, which we all know is never a good thing.
8. It’s harder to see the problems in your relationship.
It’s pretty much impossible to be objective about your own relationship. That’s why you need other people in your life who care about you to talk to about issues you might be having. If you never put any effort into maintaining those relationships, you might find you have no one to listen when you need them.
9. You become one half of a whole.
It might sound cliche, but it’s important to feel complete on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship. There will always be times where you have to lean on each other, and you probably make each other’s lives better just because you’re together, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t survive on your own if you had to. Never think you can’t live without someone, because you can.
10. You have a hard time when you are apart.
If you spend all your free time together, how will you feel if he goes away for a weekend without you? You might think that will never happen, but it will. You can’t exactly tag along on bachelor party trips to Vegas or work-related trips, can you? If you have your own social life, you might actually look forward to having a weekend away from him once in awhile.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she’s a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She’s on Twitter @courtooo