This $10,000 bikini is made entirely of actual pizza, and where do I even begin with my questions

This hasn’t been a great year for fashion. To be honest, I thought I had seen it all: clear plastic “jeans,” the concept of “shirting,” and a dress made entirely of straw hats. But, I clearly did not take into consideration the possibility of edible fashion.

One Italian restaurant recently made waves with its new promotional offer, which involves draping your naked body with pizza — and paying handsomely for it.

Villa Italian Kitchen recently shared a Facebook photo of a bikini made entirely of pizza, and offered their followers and customers the opportunity to get their own, edible pizza bikini.

19429883 10155333037683567 9100404979127840873 n This $10,000 bikini is made entirely of actual pizza, and where do I even begin with my questions

The Facebook caption reads:

Introducing Villa Italian Kitchen’s Pizza-Kini: the world’s most mouthwatering bikini! Now you can wear your favorite pizza! For just $10,000, we’ll set you up with our food stylist and help you get fitted for your own suit made from only the freshest ingredients, including homemade, hand-braided dough, 100 percent whole milk mozzarella cheese, sauce made from fresh California tomatoes and delicious pepperoni – all in honor of#NationalBikiniDay. Just message us to get started, but hurry – the most delicious swimwear on Earth is available in limited quantities and available for order on July 5 only!

Yes. You can wear a bikini made of pizza, for the astounding price of $10,000.

If the price seems a tad steep, Villa has an explanation, which they offered to one Facebook commenter. “It might seem steep but, the Pizza-Kini is a completely customized piece that involves both a consultation and
personal fitting with a food stylist,” the beleaguered social media manager wrote. “The work on the pizza is so meticulous and the attention to detail is such that the project requires a certain amount of time and involvement.”

Okay, that’s fine, but I have a few questions. Namely:

  • Is the pizza soggy?
  • Is it formed to your body while it’s still piping hot?
  • Does the aforementioned piping hot pizza produce enough oil and grease to get on your skin?
  • Does the aforementioned hot oil produce third-degree burns?
  • What does it feel like to have a slice of hot pizza laid over your vagina?
  • Are men excluded from this contest?
  • Who is actually encouraged to eat the pizza — the bikini-wearer, or their lover(s)?
  • Does it come with free marinara?
  • Are the toppings negotiable?

It’s like a never-ending stream of confusion: each time I voice a question, a new one pops up. I could go on forever with this.

Suffice it to say: someone may very well pay $10,000 to cover their body in a pizza bikini, and you should know that is the kind of world we live in.

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