No one’s dating pedigree is going to be 100% sterling. We’ve all messed around with our share of … regrettable suitors. And, as much as we’d like to pretend that we’ve only picked winners for our paramours, the reality is that there are bound to be a few fuckups in there, too.
Recently, an AskReddit thread posed this question to the community: at what moment did you realize that you were dating an idiot? (A somewhat blunt question, but a valid one nonetheless.)
The responses are so incredible that you truly have to sympathize with these anonymous Redditors for putting up with such mental incompetence. The answers range from astounding geographical misconceptions to complete misinterpretations of vocabulary words to slapstick-level physical buffoonery — but one thing they all have in common? They are all vastly entertaining.
1. sweetrhymepurereason had to deal with a slight communication error.
He took me out to my favorite restaurant, a chic little upscale cafe, for dinner on Valentine’s Day and made fun of the way I pronounced filet. He tried to get the waiter on his side. “Can you believe this? Hahaha! She wants the ‘fill-ayyyy!” Then he leans upwards conspiratorially, “she means the fillit, obviously. Hahaha!”
Then he wouldn’t shut up about it. I was like, “it’s French, the -et sound is pronounced ‘ay'” but he wasn’t having it. Kept going on and on about how stupid I must be until he dropped me off at home. I told him we were done the next day.
2. Lyd_Euh had to explain OxiClean to someone.
He tried to tell me that an oxymoron was a cleaning solution.
3. regalalternative got to be a geography teacher.
She thought Al-Qaeda is a country. She actually expressed interest in visiting it someday.
4. stay_bronze_horseman probably had to stifle their laughter more than once.
He looked out the car window to check his parking job, then closed it on his own head.
5. TheAbyssGazesAlso dated someone who didn’t know how weather worked.
When she told me that the wind comes from trees.
You know, because they wave around, and that pushes the air around, making wind.
No, she was not joking.
6. Dude_Who_Cares probably had some super weird sex.
She didn’t know how a boner worked. Not saying she was bad in bed, she literally thought that a penis would fill with semen/sperm when it was erect. Not blood. She thought the whole thing was just full of man juice.
7. QuixoticQueen must’ve Googled a LOT of definitions.
He thought procrastination meant overthinking. Disillusioned meant one didn’t have enough light to see. Disenchanted meant one had stopped chanting.
The list goes on and on. The funniest part is he couldn’t understand why we had so much miscommunication.
I just sent him a text using the word ‘assumption’, I wonder if he is going to think I’m suggesting anal.
8. livercookies had a date who didn’t understand basic biology.
I was a vegetarian when we were dating. Pretty early on he asked if I ate fish. I said no, I don’t eat any animals. To which he replied “a fish isn’t an animal, it’s a mammal”. I didn’t even know what to say, I just walked out of the room.
9. Veruca_Salticid dated a beautiful space-denier.
We ended up in a huge argument about whether or not the stars were real. He hit me with lines like “I don’t think space is real I think it’s a conspiracy.” Man was he hot, but so dumb.
10. Arcades057 had the worst Lord of the Rings viewing ever.
Told her i was excited to see a movie coming out soon. Lord of the rings. She told me that it was her favorite book. How likely its it to find a 9/10 who is into books?
Went to the theater. You know how the movie begins? Telling the story about the rings and all. Sometime around Rivendell she turns to me and asks when the kids get to the island. Asks me when does the plane crash.
She sat through around an hour of Gandalf, Gollum and Hobbitses before asking when does Lord of the Rings become Lord of the Flies.
11. Arimmer90 had a friend whose boyfriend must’ve been perpetually stoned.
Not me, but a best friend in high school. Hanging out with her, her bf and my bf. We were having a conversation on who the richest people in the world were. He says ” I know who the richest guy in the world was! Johnny Appleseed!”. We all laugh. He continues “ya because he invented oxygen” *crickets Unfazed by all our blank stares and silence he proceeds to say “because Johnny Appleseed invented trees, and trees make oxygen.”
12. Mimepanda dated a guy who must’ve had some major confusion about the food pyramid.
We were having dinner when I mentioned I couldn’t eat cheese because I’m lactose intolerant. He asked how I could eat eggs. I told him that lactose was found in dairy, which comes from cows. He vehemently rejected my explanation that eggs did not come from cows and were not dairy, and wouldn’t believe me until he googled it for himself.
13. Doebino dated a girl who almost burned down her apartment … daily.
Every time I went to her house, there was small brown/melted “V” shapes in the carpet. I always wondered what they were..
Then one day, I went over one time and saw her hair straightener lying on the carpet. She left it on ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and would just go to work. Like.. how have you not burned your apartment complex down yet?
14. birdbrainiac probably hoped the mosquitos put their boyfriend out of his misery.
When i had to explain that you spray mosquito repellent on YOURSELF, not in the air at the mosquitos.
For the third time.
It’s not like wasp spray. Stop fucking wasting it.
15. 3054031265 dated a girl who subscribed to a very … creative worldview.
She legitimately thought Australia was a part of America.