This writer’s story about her disastrous grade school encounter with a D.A.R.E officer is making Twitter weep with laughter

If you’re of a particular age, then there’s a decent chance that you were raised with certain in-school programs aimed at keeping you away from drugs and alcohol. Though I’m sure these programs were carried out with the best intentions, I’m also fairly sure that most of us who were forced to sit through and/or participate in these presentations were largely unaffected by the tactics being used (namely, scare tactics).

Let me simply say this: in high school, a group of kids at my school performed an interpretive dance about the dangers of drugs and alcohol to Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” The stunt did not convince me to refrain from underage drinking, but it did convince me to refrain from interpretive dancing.

While substance abuse is a gravely serious matter, it’s no secret that many of the programs aimed at eradicating said substance abuse are often woefully out of touch when it comes to communicating with kids and teenagers. As such, students may not retain any actual pertinent information — but they tend to leave with some pretty entertaining stories.

Ashley C. Ford, a senior features writer at Refinery29, was recently inspired to recount the time that her experience with a D.A.R.E. officer went totally off the rails and veered into utter hilarity.

It all started out innocently enough, with a simple roleplaying game.

Unfortunately, one key communication error occurred.

The scene that followed was probably the most entertaining elementary school production ever witnessed.

She really makes a solid point, guys! Even 8-year-old Ashley knew enough about commerce to understand that drugs aren’t just FREE!

Wow. Why Ashley got punished for highlighting a D.A.R.E. officer’s poor communication skills, I’ll never know. It sounds like what she really deserves is an Academy Award nomination for her dedication to her character.

After Ashley’s story, other Twitter users came forth with their own entertaining/embarrassing D.A.R.E. stories.

Bottom line, though: this anecdote is making so many people bust out laughing that the public is clamoring for more young Ashley stories.

Don’t worry, y’all — Ashley’s got you covered.

Major props to the people who endeavor to keep kids off of drugs, for it is a truly noble pursuit. However, maybe there are some slightly more effective strategies out there, which don’t involve telling children that alcohol is on par with hard drugs? Just a thought.

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