We’re all forced to contend with unrealistic expectations on a daily basis. Whether it’s physical standards of beauty or simply the social pressure to behave in certain ways, we all come up against measurements which cause us to feel inadequate and insecure.
For many guys, the notion of “masculinity” and what it should look is ingrained into their psyches from an early age, and the adverse affects of this conditioning are what has become known as “toxic masculinity.” Though many men are taught that certain stereotypically masculine behaviors are attractive to the opposite sex, the reality is that these perceptions are often misleading, and make guys look like … well, total assholes.
Recently, an AskReddit prompted female Redditors to share what “masculine” behaviors they actually find to be wholly unattractive — and the answers might surprise a few fellas out there.
1. syddaboo doesn’t want to hear dudes bragging about their money.
Bragging about wealth. It’s very lame when you hear a dude bragging about being “upper middle class.” Especially when they’re just the typical broke college student pretending for attention.
2. drn77 is down, as long as you’re willing to admit your faults.
Never admitting a mistake.
3. Pm_Me_Gifs_For_Sauce wishes guys wouldn’t be so aggro.
Starting random fights, or being overly macho as if to start a fight.
It doesn’t make you a man to prove you can beat anyone up, it makes you a childish douchebag who thinks he can solve all of his problems with his fists.
4. PerilousAll doesn’t need a man who’s pissed off all the time.
Being that angry guy. Adults need to have more control of their emotions than toddlers do.
5. babaorom doesn’t think affection should be a secret.
Guys who treat their girl like shit in front of people to show that they are “the man” in the relationship. It always makes me think that in private, they must be very insecure about their masculinity.
I find gentle and affectionate men to be the manliest ones.
6. MoominSings wants a well-read fellow.
Dated a guy who bragged about never reading. He thought it (*reading) was “nerdy.”
7. fuqmook thinks male hierarchies are nauseating.
Guys who have to be “alpha” in every situation.
Dated a guy like that. Any sort of social interaction, he had to go around to each guy and had a “system” to stare them down “into submission.”
Seriously. BBQ with friends. Walks up to the guy on grill and starts demeaning his cooking. Then attempts to be taller and just stares at him. Then walks over to me triumphantly, “That guy knows his place in the hierarchy now. You’re with the most alpha guy at this party.”
That relationship didn’t last long.
8. itsachance just wants you to not be a filthy animal, okay?
Not being clean, not washing hands.
9. mister_thomas_engine is totally over speed demons.
Driving dangerously fast.
Sorry dude, near death experiences don’t really turn me on.
10. isisfrog thinks not giving a fuck about “manliness” is truly manly.
Generally, policing other men’s “manliness”. Thinking of a time a guy tried the “that’s a girly drink!” shame on a friend. Friend pointed out that as a MAN, he’d drink whatever he liked and dude could piss off.
Idiot guy was laughed at so hard by our group he left the bar.
11. murder_kitty wants a guy who knows his pants size.
Wearing really baggy pants that require you to hold on to your junk in public. Literally no woman finds this attractive.
12. apple_kicks doesn’t really think alcoholism is a “rad” thing to brag about.
Boasting about how much alcohol they can drink and how often.
13. meowzapalooza7 rolls her eyes over guys who are too fragile to discuss mental health without stigmatizing it.
Any guy who shits on mental health or going to therapy.
My friend’s husband once said, “Why is ‘Bob’ depressed all the time? I think he’s overreacting. Therapy? You don’t need therapy. Come to me. I’ll give you a shot of whiskey and kick you in the balls. You’ll feel better.”
I sat there and shook my head.
14. manondessources thinks you should be able to take care of your own damn self.
Not being able to do basic adult things like cooking and cleaning. A lot of guys seem to think domestic tasks are feminine and should be left to women, but not being able to take care of yourself makes you look incompetent, not manly.
15. LittleMidnaBall thinks a little menses shouldn’t gross out a fully grown man.
Actively avoiding anything period related. Like refusing to buy tampons when they’re at the store or gagging when they hear girls talking about anything having to do with it.
I mean seriously guy? Do you think you’re gonna suddenly sprout some ovaries by touching a box of pads?
16. nightlywanderer has had it with the notion that guys need to be emotionally unavailable.
Not doing the emotional labor in a relationship. Any relationship — romantic, family, friends. It’s not cool to be emotionally distant and not show people that you care about them. So many men think it’s a woman’s job to remember birthdays, give support when someone needs to vent, etc. Like, no, you want to have someone in your life? You care about them? Treat them like it. It won’t make you less of a man to pat someone on the back when they’re feeling down.