35 strange items you can’t deny your weird little heart desires

Look, we’re not here to judge your buying habits. So don’t pretend you wouldn’t linger a bit too long if these came across your desktop…

1. This toilet plunger mug that’ll remind you to take it easy post-coffee. 

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Get it here for $25

2. A runny nose soap dispenser, which is only funnier if your soap is green. 

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Get it here for $8.98

3. Cupcake flavored toothpaste, because brushing your teeth with frosting is frowned upon. 

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Get it here for $6.58

4. A face mask made from snail secretions, because beauty knows no bounds. 

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Get it here for $28.45

5. This mirror for when you feel like there’s something in your teeth. 

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Get it here for $31.61

6. Nobody Likes A Cockblock book for adults, because the creatures of the forest need some time alone too. 

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Get it here for $12.63

7. Elf earbuds because your tunes shouldn’t be sacrificed for your cosplay. 

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Get it here for $19.99

8. A tentacle face beanie Cthulhu would be proud you own. 

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Get it here for $4.12

9. A Jeff Goldblum pillow case, because there are no secrets between lovers. 

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Get it here for $9

10. This bubble wrap calendar for those daily urges. 

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Get it here for $11.99

11. Set your *ahem* feline friend free with these cute undies

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Get a set of 3 here for $13.98

12. Emergency glow in the dark googly eyes, because you never know when an inanimate object needs to see. 

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Get it here for $13.76

13. These underpants for your wine, because you should never show up to someone else’s home without either. 

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Get it here for $7.75

14. This cat butt purse that’s cruelty free. 

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Get it here for $12.69

15. A Bogeyman egg yolk separator, because a day that starts out by being disgusting can only get better. 

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Get it here for $8.09

16. These adult achievement stickers, because you need a pat on the back sometimes. 

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Get it here for $8.95

17. A kitty carpet crotch toupee, in case your aesthetician got a little overzealous at your last waxing appointment. 

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Get it here for $8.95

18. A deer rear bottle opener, because you can’t spell “butthole” without “bottle.”

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Get it here for $19.99.

19. This dog wig for self conscious puppers. 

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Get it here for $12.49

20. The Farting Magical Creatures coloring book, because farting and coloring are stress relievers. 

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Get it here for $5.39

21. Take that ass to Flavor Town with these Guy Fieri underpants.

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Sizes available here starting at $11

21. Mushion pillows, because we all have that special someone whose face we wanna sit on. 

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Get it here starting at $19.19

22. A Hyperlip smile contortion insert, because your selfies are getting lame. 

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Get it here for $11.95

23. Light up the night with bike balls, the hipster cousin of the ones you see on trucks. 

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Get it here for $7.59

24. A scented banana candle, because your pyro side has always wondered if fruit is flammable. 

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Get it here for $14

25. A Puzzle In A Puzzle, because multiple edge pieces may or may not cause you to go insane. 

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Get it here for $29.49

26. Turn your hotdogs into hamburgers with the Ham Dog and really mess with your BBQ guests. 

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Get it here for $9.05

27. A baby mop onesie, because it’s about time that little freeloader pulled his weight around there. 

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Get it here for $38.95

28. Which Cult Should I Join?, a choose-your-own-adventure guide for those on the fence about spirituality. 

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Get it here for $8.90

29. A live, wearable mini cactus, because you can’t ever seem to get away from pricks. 

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Get it here for $

30. A Public Toilet Survival Kit, or as we like to call it, “Random hookup, morning-after, bathroom gear.”

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Get it here for $6.72

31. A set of plush STDs, because love means never having to say “It burns when I pee.”

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Get it here for $14.42

32. Creepy Cage Face fridge magnet, because it’s a reason to stay away from the refrigerator. 

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Get it here for $3.95, also available as a coffee mug

33. Houston Rockets’ James Harden beard gummies, because why not?

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Get it here for $6.99

34. This pug eye sleep mask, because it’s fun to scare your partner half to death in the middle of the night. 

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Get it here for $15.84

35. Spice up those love letters using Pornogami: A Guide to the Ancient Art of Paper-Folding for Adults 

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Get it here for $12.86

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