Look, we’re not here to judge your buying habits. So don’t pretend you wouldn’t linger a bit too long if these came across your desktop…
1. This toilet plunger mug that’ll remind you to take it easy post-coffee.
Get it here for $25
2. A runny nose soap dispenser, which is only funnier if your soap is green.
Get it here for $8.98
3. Cupcake flavored toothpaste, because brushing your teeth with frosting is frowned upon.
Get it here for $6.58
4. A face mask made from snail secretions, because beauty knows no bounds.
Get it here for $28.45
5. This mirror for when you feel like there’s something in your teeth.
Get it here for $31.61
6. Nobody Likes A Cockblock book for adults, because the creatures of the forest need some time alone too.
Get it here for $12.63
7. Elf earbuds because your tunes shouldn’t be sacrificed for your cosplay.
Get it here for $19.99
8. A tentacle face beanie Cthulhu would be proud you own.
Get it here for $4.12
9. A Jeff Goldblum pillow case, because there are no secrets between lovers.
Get it here for $9
10. This bubble wrap calendar for those daily urges.
Get it here for $11.99
11. Set your *ahem* feline friend free with these cute undies.
Get a set of 3 here for $13.98
12. Emergency glow in the dark googly eyes, because you never know when an inanimate object needs to see.
Get it here for $13.76
13. These underpants for your wine, because you should never show up to someone else’s home without either.
Get it here for $7.75
14. This cat butt purse that’s cruelty free.
Get it here for $12.69
15. A Bogeyman egg yolk separator, because a day that starts out by being disgusting can only get better.
Get it here for $8.09
16. These adult achievement stickers, because you need a pat on the back sometimes.
Get it here for $8.95
17. A kitty carpet crotch toupee, in case your aesthetician got a little overzealous at your last waxing appointment.
Get it here for $8.95
18. A deer rear bottle opener, because you can’t spell “butthole” without “bottle.”
Get it here for $19.99.
19. This dog wig for self conscious puppers.
Get it here for $12.49
20. The Farting Magical Creatures coloring book, because farting and coloring are stress relievers.
Get it here for $5.39
21. Take that ass to Flavor Town with these Guy Fieri underpants.
Sizes available here starting at $11
21. Mushion pillows, because we all have that special someone whose face we wanna sit on.
Get it here starting at $19.19
22. A Hyperlip smile contortion insert, because your selfies are getting lame.
Get it here for $11.95
23. Light up the night with bike balls, the hipster cousin of the ones you see on trucks.
Get it here for $7.59
24. A scented banana candle, because your pyro side has always wondered if fruit is flammable.
Get it here for $14
25. A Puzzle In A Puzzle, because multiple edge pieces may or may not cause you to go insane.
Get it here for $29.49
26. Turn your hotdogs into hamburgers with the Ham Dog and really mess with your BBQ guests.
Get it here for $9.05
27. A baby mop onesie, because it’s about time that little freeloader pulled his weight around there.
Get it here for $38.95
28. Which Cult Should I Join?, a choose-your-own-adventure guide for those on the fence about spirituality.
Get it here for $8.90
29. A live, wearable mini cactus, because you can’t ever seem to get away from pricks.
Get it here for $
30. A Public Toilet Survival Kit, or as we like to call it, “Random hookup, morning-after, bathroom gear.”
Get it here for $6.72
31. A set of plush STDs, because love means never having to say “It burns when I pee.”
Get it here for $14.42
32. Creepy Cage Face fridge magnet, because it’s a reason to stay away from the refrigerator.
33. Houston Rockets’ James Harden beard gummies, because why not?
Get it here for $6.99
34. This pug eye sleep mask, because it’s fun to scare your partner half to death in the middle of the night.
Get it here for $15.84
35. Spice up those love letters using Pornogami: A Guide to the Ancient Art of Paper-Folding for Adults
Get it here for $12.86