19 parenting percentage tweets that are 100% accurate and 110% hilarious

If I had a dollar for every time I said out loud “Is this pee, or spit up?” I’d be the proud parent of a 4 month old who’s already set up for college.

Though no one is handing out buckets of cash, at least there’s one thing all parents can count on: the fact that there is someone out there who has either experienced the same things you have, or seen much worse. Like when my kid projectiles her spit up into my lap, at least it’s not as bad as the dad who documented his son’s backseat barfing. (But I know it’s coming someday.)

Parents, you’ll be nodding your head in solidarity if…

1. If you’ve ever memed your kid

2. If you’ve ever thinned our their toy box when they’re asleep

3. If you’ve ever struggled to cover up a squirming child with SPF 100

4. If you’ve ever finished their food so it doesn’t go to waste

5. If your purse/diaper bag/pockets are full of random bits of trash

6. If you could win an Oscar for feigning interest in your kid’s stories

7. If you spent 15 minutes getting them dressed and then turn your back for 5 seconds

8. If you’ve answered a thread of “Why?” questions while multitasking

9. If you’ve ever just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ when you know you lyin’

10. If you’ve ever had to down a Red Bull before going into a child’s birthday party

11. If you’ve stuck your face up to your kid’s diaper for a smell check…juuuust in case

12. If you’ve tied their laces extra tight just so you know they’ll stay on

13. If you’ve had to ask this question about 50 times before getting an honest answer

14. If you’ve ever had to muffle the sound of junk food

15. If you can’t even poop in peace

16. If table manners have gone right out the window

17. If you can’t remember the last time you talked in a normal voice

18. If you’ve received a 💩 text, and replied “Say no more.”

19. If you’ve ever done laundry twice in one day because you’re out of bibs and burp cloths

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