44 people on the weirdest things their significant others have said in their sleep

Sharing your bed with someone is a toss up. What if they wanna cuddle and you like your space? What if they snore? What if they like to get up early and you’re a late sleeper? What if they steal the covers??

Bottom line: the act of sleeping with someone requires a lot of trust. So we headed over to our Instagram and Facebook pages to ask:

weirdest sleep talking callout 1200x1200 44 people on the weirdest things their significant others have said in their sleep

These people have hearts of gold for sleeping next to these folks all night. Or maybe they just really can’t pass up a good laugh.

1. Rebecca P needs to start questioning who her SO is hanging out with.

“I’m with the scorpion firefighter in your moms bedroom.”

2. MeLinda C’s husband is a potty mouth. 

I’m married to a sleep talker. He always uses curse words. I call it Night-Tourette’s. The best one yet…”Shit the bed Agnes”. My name is not Agnes. We don’t even know anyone named Agnes.

3. Jenny S’s husband thinks she works for him. 

My husband like to tell me where stuff is in the grocery store he works at. He gets very angry sometimes and is like “no it’s in aisle 3 on the left side halfway down, how can you not see it! It’s right there!”

4. Katherine W better hide the cold meds. 

Mine got so doped up on NyQuil one night when he had a cold that he shook me awake in the middle of the night to tell me that he was a “company man with policies” and that he felt like he “super crashed… from SPACE!” Once he mumbled that “the doughnuts were too much”.

5. Katie W shouldn’t watch reality TV before bed. 

I used to sleep-talk and sleep-walk all the time until I was put on medication to help me sleep. Before that, my husband said I was flip-flopping around in bed one night and when he asked me what was wrong, I responded, “Frickin’ frackin’ guitar-shaped bed!” in pure frustration. I had been dreaming about Bret Michaels during his “Rock of Love” stint on VH1.

6. Alyssa J has some anger issues. 

I’m the sleep talker. I woke my husband up one night by shaking him and saying his name. When he woke up I called him a bitch.

7. That’s a lot of house guests, Maia B.

“The telemarketers are in the living room. They are sleeping in the living room” “great grandmas potty chair is on fire and I just don’t have enough rope!”

8. Katelin K has a thing for sea life.

“it’s funny to think about, you know, a little octopus crossing the street…..sooooo speeeeeeedy”

9. Eat up, Carrie C

3 nights ago my husband told me to shut up and eat my fingers. Lol

10. Megan T’s SO is fed up explaining. 

Husband “I keep my moron in a box over there. On the shelf. NO! OVER THERE “

11. Kayla L knows a very serious threat when she hears one. 

Hey! That jerk put ice cream on my elbow! It’s okay we’ll just turn his favorite book into a movie.

12. That’s just rude, Kay-Lynne C.

F$&@ing raccoons. GET OUT OF HERE! Then he tried to spit on them and ended up hitting me with a huge lugie 

13. He just needs a shoulder to cry on, Janna C.

‘The colors of evil’ and ‘you stole my scholarship, now I have to pay for my own school’

14. Danielle A is probably keeping a journal of all these.

Oh my goodness, where do I begin?

“Let’s make piss cookies.”

“Don’t forget to buy the mother fuckin quilted picker upper”

“Oh yeah? Well you don’t know your Kohls cash!!!!”

“Where’s the knife, Danielle?” (That was terrifying)

“Let’s discuss Hilary’s political standpoints, shall we?”

“BLLLEAAARRRGGGGHHHH……DANIELLE!!!!!…….watch out for do do heads…..”

15. That is kinda scary, Samantha M.

Woke up in the middle of the night to my boyfriend speaking in fluent German. Scariest thing ever.

16. Carolyn B’s SO has some culinary skills. 

“You have nothing in the way of garnishes…” 

17. JoAnne W better hide the knives. 

Patting her belly, “yep, that’s where they’re gonna cut. Right there”.

18. Kelly P’s husband is actually in a nightmare. 

“Oh my God! The donuts are chasing me!”

19. kaitzubs’s hubby shouldn’t snack so close to bedtime.

My husband yelled at me in his sleep insisting that I take the cookie out of his hand (which was in the air…) then proceeded to grab my hand to meet his to grab said cookie… 😂

20. csandova better wear ear plugs.

“I want to fuck your ear”

21. tiffanyann814 thinks he’s being too loud even in his sleep.

Apparently last week my fiance rolled over and in my sleep I put a finger over his lips and shushed him.

22. But seriously, kelseyyhuff

“What’s with the mosquito tapdancing?”

23. rhorakos has some serious concerns

“But how will the penguins dress for work??”

24. At least kaster864 can laugh through the sleep loss

Once, he sat up and said ‘car go vroom’. Another time, he told me to ‘hide it’. Best one ever, he was moving around, stops, and in a very confused voice says ‘hippos?!’ I laughed so hard, I fell out of bed.

25. pigsandpages better start sleeping with one eye open.

“Babe we need to buy more life insurance, I lost the poker tournament.” Not sure how those coincide, but OK.

26. kimbo083’s husband can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk?

“I could eat every pussy in this room”

27. antisocial_buttrfly, you heard the man!

“get those pancakes out of my pants, don’t throw your spiders at me! “

28. Hopefully the neighbors didn’t hear that, 00firefly00.

One night while I was still awake reading a book, my husband got up, walked to the window, opened it and screamed in a creepy raspy, load whisper voice. “DEVIL!!!” He then turned around, came back to bed and slept, like nothing happened.

30. Sounds legit, gemducky.

He told me that he has a double at work but the double is secretly a lizard. But it’s ok cause he’s a super cool guy

31. edemarseilles, we agree.

Started uncontrollably laughing and said “turn down for butts” then laughed again and said “it’s funny” …. another time he woke me up by saying “I have nine hairs” and when I asked him what he was talking about he said “I dreamt about a baby who told me I had nine hairs” to which I responded “yea that makes sense”

32. shelovesmtns21, you have a couple of good points.

“Let’s move the bunk beds and clean out all the dust and dead bodies” A) we did not have bunk beds 2) need I say more about the dead bodies?

33. Good question, whothehellisaileen.

If you had two chicken legs and they both committed suicide would they go to hell once or twice

34. I’m gonna need steppingforwardtakingtheplunge when it comes time for the zombie apocalypse.

Me: I’ll take the frying pan, those can crush zombie skulls. *fell back to sleep*

35. Snack time is over for sarbear75.

“Mmm chicken leg”… then proceeded to bite my arm

36. What is bayneski’s man up to?

His phone number. And then so “ahhh! Not bad. Now you should blow me” 2 minutes later “HARD-ER” He also pulled out the drawers in the bathroom, sat on them and said “he told me to get in. The guy. He told me”

37. Happy birthday, indeed, kels330.

He rolled over, grabbed my boob and said “happy birthday to me”

38. Get the hose, lita_jo.

“why are there fu**in midgets running through the yard?”

39. tianadiane’s SO asks the tough questions.

“When’s the last time you tried to train a dragon?”

40. bluelavachick2002 may have to explain the female reproductive system.

That “women should just remove their testicles BEFORE childbirth, that way they won’t have any pain”. I still don’t understand his logic. I think, ultimately, it was well intentioned if anatomically confused.

41. That’s reasonable, melbel773.

‘If I was awake could I do this?’ Proceeds to snap fingers while sitting up..

42. kestone5’s hubby is fed up with bandwagoners.

My boyfriend was concerned the other day that there would be Game of Thrones themed paint colors at Home Depot and kept yelling “they were the same colors yesterday, but now they’re GoT so everyone has to have them!”

43. miss_fran5280 should probably start keeping an extra blanket nearby.

After he pulled the blankets off me he said “you’ll thank me later” woke up freezing and blanketless

44. Don’t dare emmanuel10301030’s husband.

“What do you mean I can’t shave a yeti?! Hold my beer!”

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