My pilates teacher asked if anyone had any aches and pains anywhere and I shouted "MY EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING" and everyone ignored me
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 25, 2017
Eating cherry pie filling out of the can for breakfast if anyone's looking for a Life Coach.
— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) August 22, 2017
I got a bunch of dental surgery and while waiting for a cab to go home a dude catcalled me so I just let a ton of blood fall out my mouth
— Best Bi™ (@UnburntWitch) August 24, 2017
I'm no magician, but I can turn 30 minutes of work into 10 hours of complaining.
— Arielle (@jewfacekilla) August 24, 2017
most sexual feelings in the world:
1. eating good food
2. last minute plan cancellations
3. taking your bra off after work
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 20, 2017
PSA: don't look directly at the sun during the solar eclipse because it might get nervous and mess up
— Vienna (@viennakendall) August 20, 2017
while everyone is looking up at the eclipse I'm gonna wear white jeans
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) August 21, 2017
i want a girl with short skirt and a loooooooong list of enemies
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) August 24, 2017
My son was at his blacksmithing camp yesterday. He came home with a knife "forged in the dark of an eclipse."
I am so proud.
— Sigrid Ellis (@sigridellis) August 22, 2017
Nervously sitting in my office wondering if the dog that's here today likes me.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) August 25, 2017
Congratulations to the bikini-clad girl who just showed up at the Vegas airport with 0 bags on becoming literally the most Vegas of all time
— Alyssa Wolff (@alyssawolff) August 21, 2017
Love picking up my phone and wondering "how is this little rectangle going to upset me?"
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) August 24, 2017
Painting flames on the side of your PT Cruiser is like putting a sparkler into a pile of coleslaw
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) August 23, 2017