25 people on the dumbest thing they’ve done while their brain was on “autopilot”

We’re all guilty of doing something incredibly stupid when we weren’t paying attention. Call it a mind fart, a momentary blackout, or just a simple lapse in judgement.

This Ask Reddit thread is full of (mostly) harmless screw ups. Hey, if you can’t laugh at your own mistakes you can at least laugh at strangers’.

1. That’s a total dick move, igbay_agfay

My friend handed me her phone at a party while I was also holding a cup of beer and for some reason I just stared straight at her and dipped her phone in the beer 

2. stephen_hawkqueen is gonna need to make a Target run now. 

Grabbed a roll of toilet paper, walked over to the toilet to replace the empty roll and just tossed the whole roll into the toilet 

3. Helix_van_Boron’s work gets a little repetitive. 

I cut up a customer’s credit card when I was working retail. I had several customers in a row that all used gift cards. After a gift card is emptied we were supposed to cut up the card and throw it away. On autopilot I would up swiping somebody’s credit card, cutting it in half, and dropping it in the trash while the customer looked at me very confused. Luckily they were very understanding of repetitive retail work, and didn’t get upset. 

 

4. Apparently the_frail needs a bigger fridge.

I tried to put my laptop in the fridge. I remember being annoyed that there wasn’t any room for it. I was like, ugh if it weren’t for this bottle of ketchup and jar of pickles my laptop could go on this shelf right here… oh…. 

5. DareDare_Jarrah gave readers a “parenting brain” two-fer. 

I put a banana in the cutlery rack in the dishwasher and actually turned the dishwasher on. There was fucking smushed banana everywhere.

I also lost my then two year old for some time at school when collecting my eldest son. I ended up asking a group parents who helpfully let me know that the child I was looking for was in fact asleep in a carrier on my back….

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6. Keskekun accidentally traumatized a student. 

Was cleaning out my desk when a problem student turned up with his final essay that would allow him to graduate. I absent mindedly took and said a very unenthusiastic “Thanks” and threw it in the bin. Poor guy visibly teared up as he was leaving before I realized what I had done. Never ran as fast before to catch up with him. 

 

7. chinoyindustriesltd had a midnight snack waiting for him.  

I once ordered a takeout pizza, went and got it, brought it in and put it on the counter, walked by a half hour later, realized I should put the leftovers in the fridge, and in went an entire unopened pizza. Pleasant surprise that night when I wondered why I was hungry and went to check the fridge for a snack.

8. See, this is why I just order take out, Portarossa.

I could tell I was getting sick one time, and so I decided to make a really nice chicken stock to have some soup later in the week: chicken bones, carrots, onions, you name it. It had been cooking for about three hours by the time it was done.

Then I drained it through a colander straight into the sink.

9. TardyElephant momentarily forgot “gesundheit.”

The one my girlfriend and I still laugh about is when she sneezed and I said, “Happy Birthday.” 

 

10. Dironox brushed his teeth extra vigorously that morning. 

filled my dog’s bowl with dry cereal and my bowl with dog food and milk… only one of us enjoyed breakfast.

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11. Blugentoo2therevenge could use a vacation. 

Taking my husband out for his birthday to his favorite place, auto pilot drove to work and parked. He didn’t say anything because he thought it was hilarious. 

12. LawHelmet is gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do.  

Driving home after a long day of work.

To my ex’s

With my current girlfriend 

 

13. Hope Villager103’s office has decent health insurance. 

I once tried to drink out of my pencil cup holder thing and nearly choked to death on a pencil.

14. MutantHelix is making us blink and cringe. 

I was taking out my contacts before going to bed. I took out the first one and placed it in the overnight container. I tried to take out the second contact and it just wouldn’t come out. I spent about 5 minutes trying to get the other contact out, all the while pulling harder and harder. I decide to just give it one last good, hard pull. Right before doing so, I realized that the contact I needed to remove was in the other eye. 

15. babygrenade’s brother is not amused. 

I tried to call the cat using my brother’s name while my brother was in the room with me.

He stared at me in disbelief for a few seconds before he finally asked me what I was doing.

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16. Whapwhaaap probably needed to change the sheets anyway, right?

I had a glass of water in my right hand, and my phone in my left. I walked into my bedroom and tossed my phone on to my bed. Except I didn’t, I threw the glass of water instead. I was very very tired. Unfortunately my lack of sleep then became the reason I couldn’t go to bed.

I just sort of stood there and gawped at my own stupidity. 

17. That’s not how headphones work, ShlomoKenyatta.

One time I had headphones in, so I belched as loud as I possibly could in my very quiet office. I’m sure I’ve farted the same way a few times as well

18. Definitely staying out of MistarGrimm’s kitchen. 

Dropping an egg and trying to catch it with my foot. I punted it against the wall instead.

19. I’ve jumped into the shower with my underwear still on, but this, peekaysays

Getting undressed for a shower, needed to pee, threw my clothes into the toilet 

20. Tricky4279’s cousin lives in Pleasantville or something. 

My cousin used to live in a small town. He and a majority of the town all worked for the same company. Every morning he would get into his car and just start following the car in front of him to work. One day, someone that didn’t work at the company got into the line of cars. Everybody behind her, including my cousin, just started to follow this person. It wasn’t until they pulled into their driveway that they snapped out of it.

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21. DrumCorpsAlum had some pretty confused passengers. 

Did some of my flight attendant announcements in a baby voice because there was a cute baby on the plane I was making eye contact with. 

22. CaptainExplaino is lucky the owner wasn’t around. 

Once I got off work and stopped at a gas station. Parked on the side of the building, went inside made my purchase. Came out, got in my car. Took several moments trying to figure out where the stuff hanging from my rearview came from. Snapped to the fact that it wasn’t my car and bolted before someone thought i was stealing.

The car was a 2 door. Mine was 4. Different color, different everything. Not remotely similar. I still cringe. 

23. Recoherent has the freshest breath. 

Went to wash hands before preparing food; ended up brushing my teeth. 

24. Probably happens to TSA all the time, brutusclyde

Dunno if it’s dumbest necessarily, but it could have ended badly.

I flew out to San Diego a few months ago. I fly maybe 1-2 times a year so I’m familiar with the process but I’m by no means a pro at this.

Atlanta airport, TSA line. Monday morning, so a huge crowd. Laptop in the bin. Suitcase on the conveyor belt. Shoes, glasses, keys, watch. Take off my belt. Unbutton my jeans and hook my thumbs in the top of my jeans and underwear and PREPARE TO PULL THEM DOWN…

Come on, brain, could you show up a little earlier next time?

25. jmcstar is still there to this day. 

Waited for stop sign to turn green

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