Not liking a movie or band that everyone else likes isn't a substitute for a personality
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) August 30, 2017
The all-female Lord of the Flies will just be a group of young women apologizing to each other over and over till everyone is dead.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) August 31, 2017
I see the AUTUMN LOVERS are trying to creep in here with their pumpkins and flannel. We must fight, Summer Children. FIGHT!
— Maureen Johnson (@maureenjohnson) August 31, 2017
My favorite part of boxing is when they hug for a little bit in between punches
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) August 27, 2017
The higher on my head my bun the more I drank last night.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) August 26, 2017
Love picking up my phone and wondering "how is this little rectangle going to upset me?"
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) August 24, 2017
My rap video would just be me leaning out of a car window, yelling AWWW YEAHHH while pointing at different dogs
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) August 24, 2017
Wouldn't it be wild if Santa, like Jesus, is also his own dad?
— Living Marble (@living_marble) August 24, 2017
balloons are just slow motion basketballs
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) August 31, 2017
If you see a hurricane, do not approach it. Do not offer it snacks or knit it a sweater. Don't take it for a ride on a ferris wheel also
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) August 25, 2017
If your giraffe starts laying eggs you probably have an ostrich
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) August 31, 2017
everyone knows 666 is the number of the beast but very few know 74 is the sleep number of the beast
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) August 27, 2017
"Alright, girl. I'm a call you later" – me 20 mins before actually ending a call with my mama.
— Jasmyn Lawson (@JasmynBeKnowing) August 27, 2017
a small child in the grocery store line kept repeating "i am pizza" over and over again and that's how u know he is being raised right
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 28, 2017
currently accepting suggestions for chill (non-murdery pls) cults to join as I am wholly incapable of managing my own life
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 30, 2017
I just have one thing to say to all those people who picked me last for their team in gym class: good call, I'm really very bad at sports.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 30, 2017