We’re all familiar with that telltale post-argument feeling: you wanted to dish out a comeback, but when you reached down into your well of witty retorts, you came up dry. So, you torture yourself afterward, thinking of all the things you could have said.
Now, far be it for me to encourage you to sling insults, but … should you ever find yourself in such a situation again, it might be useful to have some clapbacks at the ready.
Thankfully, the Berry community offered up some of their favorite and most memorable comebacks, so you can dish out some sick burns whenever you please — or, at the very least, imagine that you did.
rahrah_tee kind of had to admire this guy’s spunk:
Guy: hey can I buy you a drink?
Me: no, thanks, I have a boyfriend.
Guy: oh. That’s cool, I have a goldfish.
Guy: oh sorry, I just thought we were talking about shit that doesn’t matter.
narnianstars couldn’t resist slinging a zinger about her ex’s new girlfriend.
Ex BF: 4.4 earthquake at 8:30 this morning.
Me: Your girlfriend fall out of bed?
srsmores prefers insults that can occasionally be mistaken for compliments:
“I hope your day is as pleasant as you.”- I use it all the time 😊
connecticut71 isn’t here for any of your gay stereotypes:
A straight co-worker said ” omg I didn’t know where gay” I said ,”no worries I had no clue you were straight”….. priceless….
@Arson2099 still remembers the comeback that forced him to run another mile:
HS football punishment running Coach says, “You’re all a bunch of p******s.” Cue smart ass, “you are what you eat coach,” and lots more running
jmccaughey81 likes a comeback that will shut somebody up quick:
“Your opinion is as useless as a vibrator with no batteries.” 😝
Don’t try spouting nonsense around Felicia Morris, or she’ll shut you down:
“Hold on let me shove my head up my ass so I can see your point of view.”
danbrownohio likes to insult two attributes at once:
“Normally someone as unattractive as you has a good personality.”
Erin Kuhse prefers a more passive-aggressive clapback:
Whenever someone is apologizing to you…
“No, no don’t be sorry. It’s my fault for thinking you were better than that.”
txhockeyfan can’t resist saving the sickest burns for his little brother:
My little brother was bragging that he only dated 10’s. Immediately, I said, “Yeah, on the Richter scale.” Doubt I’ll ever throw a sicker burn as quickly as that one.
Manda Marron will cut you right to the quick:
“I wear heals bigger than your dick.”
Diantha Strylowski still remembers the most badass letdown she’s ever heard:
I was in college:
This chick was flirting HARD with some guy and he is getting a little carried away. She walks away.
And he says something along the lines of being sad watching her leave.
And she says, “Aww, I’m sure you’re used to it.”