As a kid, Halloween ranked somewhere between Christmas and your birthday. The only difference being you’d have to put in work to get that glorious bounty of free candy. Not much could ruin it. And even if something did put a slight wrench in your night, it was easy to overlook once you remembered that you were getting, you know, free candy.
The penultimate Halloween movie, Hocus Pocus, best explains the trials and tribulations of kid angst, mixed with that sweet, sweet sugar rush.
1. Bad weather.
In Seattle it was almost always raining on Halloween. In California, you were lucky if it wasn’t 90 degrees in your polyester costume. I don’t even wanna know what it was like for people who got snow that early in the year.
2. Having to wear a coat over your kick-ass costume.
“35 degrees outside? Pssh. I can handle it.”
Narrator: She, in fact, could not handle it.
3. When Halloween fell on a school night and you’d have to cut Trick-or-Treating short.
You’d rush home from school so that you could get started as soon as possible. But when your parents finally got home from work they’d say you have to have dinner first. When you finally get on the street you’d only have a couple of hours to hit every house. But you narrowly made it. *phew*
4. When one of your friends stole your costume idea … and did it better.
Krissy, you knew I was gonna be a fairy princess. I don’t care if your mom let you wear her high school prom dress. Friendship OVER!
5. When someone’s cool older sibling bailed on taking you and your friends out, so your parents had to take you.
I don’t remember why this was particularly embarrassing. But suffice it to say, around middle school-age this was social suicide.
6. When the eye holes from your cheap, plastic mask didn’t line up with your actual eyes.
You’d have to pull it up just to be able to walk from house to house, and then quickly pull it down after you rang the bell. Lord knows, hundreds of temporarily blind kids walking down the street – at night – wasn’t hazardous at all. And can we also talk about how those plastic masks used to get nasty on in the inside from your breath?
7. When houses ran out of candy way too early in the night.
You’d pass your friends on the street and be like “Skip the Cramers. They’re handing out raisins.”
8. When the handle from your candy bucket broke off.
Pro: you scored major, so much so that your pumpkin bucket buckled under the weight.
Con: your candy is now in the street. And you have to scoop it up and carry your bucket from the bottom.
9. When teenagers made you pay a “candy tax” to get past them.
In hindsight, those kids were probably only a couple of years older than you. Sure, take a Twix, Brad. But I’m gonna prank you so hard the next time your sister has a sleepover.
10. When you passed by a dark house and some little dirtbags smashed their pumpkins.
WTF? Someone worked hard to carve that. Dick move.
11. When your parents made you hand over your stash so that you couldn’t binge on it in one sitting.
I GUESS it’s probably best we didn’t eat a ton of sugar at once. Little did we know they were taking some off the top for themselves.
12. Being made to share your earnings with siblings who were too young to go Trick-or-Treating.
Alright, fine. But only the Tootsie Rolls and candy corn.