It’s kind of amazing how innocent and naïve we once were as children. We talked ourselves into absurd “truths” and fears that are hilariously illogical in retrospect.
So when a group of Redditors shared awkward beliefs they used to have, we had to share. This will make anyone who ever convinced themselves about an absurd idea, laugh really hard.
1. Making out meant making babies for angel_kink
Up until at least 9 I thought you could get pregnant from exchanging saliva. I got worried when we were on a trip and my mom was going to use my dad’s toothbrush while on a trip because we forgot hers at home l (gross in retrospect I know) because I was afraid she’d have another baby. They really hated each other. They were never married. I was an accident. I understood all those complex concepts and knew another baby between them would be bad, but was convinced sharing a toothbrush would get her pregnant. Strange how I could understand some complexities but not others. Oh well.
2. WeaponsGradeDouche two fruits were one
Limes were just lemons that weren’t ripe yet.
3. shut-your-noise‘s grandpa totally fooled him
My grandad told me when I was quite young that he drove the car and the car knew where we were going and used the indicators to tell him which way to go, he just followed its instructions. He even used to get in the car and say “morning car, we’re going to Morrison’s today”.
I believed this for an embarrassingly long time.
4. Ontokkii thought periods were permanent
That once you get your period you’ll bleed every day for the rest of your life.
I don’t know how I misunderstood sex ed that badly, but boy am I glad I was wrong.
5. tuplski‘s mom had a great parenting strategy
That I was allergic to cigarettes. Well played, mum.
6. It’s not easy for Michigan_Ent to get to the magical land
That Disney world was in the clouds, and you had to take a rocket ship to go up there. I guess it was because of the old commercials they used to have.
7. Gladyx had it backwards
I thought windmills used electricity to produce wind. Not the other way around.
8. This sexy word was a little skewed for Knot_My_Name
That a G spot was just somewhere that felt good to be touched or kissed. Like I believed my neck was my “G spot” until I was like 17.
9. Majestic_Dildocorn had an oddly specific belief
the pool light is a trap door leading to the ocean and sharks can come through it and the sharks will eat me, but only if I’m in the deep end alone.
10. Traffic lights had an interesting way of working for mauri11
A very skinny man lived inside the street light poles switching the lights from green to red.
11. Syek26 “no longer believes this is true,” so no worries
As a kid I believed garbage and litter caused tornadoes.
Not really sure why, but when I saw a plastic wrapper on the ground I’d pick it up and smugly say ‘no tornadoes happening today!’.
I no longer believe this to be true.
12. Tophatwhale‘s brothers messed with him
My brothers convinced me that you had to change your name every 7 years right before my 7th birthday.
13. DiscipleOfBadassery took serious precautions over one particular flavor
That every time I took a bite from a strawberry pop tart I had to swallow twice or I would die. Not any of the other pop tarts. Just the strawberry ones. I was very young.
14. JangWolly thought the screen was a home
That the cartoon characters lived in the TV
15. Voodoo_Tiki believed everyone’s brain included Google Translate
When people speak other languages, the words just get translated to English in their heads
16. Amlethoe took it exactly the way she heard it
I took “oral sex” a bit too literally, as in “talking sex”. I thought it was like phone sex or just saying sexy stuff.
17. Vision could be gone instantly, according to Gungston
Masturbating makes you go blind
18. And Takemetoyourmaker had a lady part predicament
When I was a young boy, I thought pubes were only for girls…once I found out that I’d start to grow hair down there I cried because I “didn’t want to grow a vagina”.
19. King-Halcyon thought actors took their jobs incredibly serious
I was convinced that every person that died in a movie had actually died. Like they got a pool of actors ready to bite the bullet for the sake of cinema.
20. Perspiration smelled differently for GodfatherCarlos
That perfume was made from women’s sweat.