Kids do the darndest things, especially when it comes to hiding things from their parents. Most of us grew up wanting privacy before we could have it. But our parents knew more than they’d lead us on to believe. Which is exactly what these Redditors are revealing, the secrets they know as parents are both hilarious and tragic.
1. UglyWeirdo‘s kid has a sweet tooth
My 9 year old thinks she has a secret candy stash. In reality I don’t call her on that and other small bullshit so she doesn’t put effort into getting better at lying to me.
2. lowhangingfruitcake checked the receipts
My 13 year old daughter has a kindle account on crest card. She sticks to her budget but doesn’t know I get the emailed receipts of what she buys. In public – she has very cool taste. But in the middle of the night she secretly binges on ‘hello kitty’. She would be mortified if she found out I know
3. BigMacFly‘s kid has a potty mouth
My daughter comes off as a saint at home. She refuses to say the word “hell” in front of me. She swears like a truck driver on social media. She doesn’t know that I know what her online persona is.
4. voodoo_zero is waiting on the perfect payback moment
I saved a letter I found in the trash can that my daughter had written. She was a mad about something I didn’t let her do and in the letter she called me a dick and a punk bitch and some other stuff. She was probably 12 or 13 at the time so the shit was hilarious. I’ve been hanging on to it for a while to wait on the right time to bring it back out. Maybe when she goes to college or something.
5. CrowdsourcedSarcasm‘s kid thought he was being sneaky
I know how many times he has had parties while I have been out (almost all my neighbors are military veterans who have a pretty sharp eye for cars that don’t belong on our street).
6. ACertainCantatrice knows a hickey when she sees one
i know that they gave each other hickeys on their arms. I know a hickey when I see one, little weirdos.
7. TheSygil knows what’s really going on…
It doesn’t take a 15 year old boy 45 minutes to shower. Every. Single. Time.
edit: moisturizing lotion is also not needed while showering.
8. Andraste_Blaze‘s daughter hides her career
I know my 20 year old daughter runs a successful blog writing smutty fanfiction.
9. katgib13 will probably reveal what he knows during a wedding toast
That the reason we had to fork out over 3k in repairs on our truck was because my oldest took it mudding when he was 16. Wet, soupy, sloppy mud and it fucked up the drive shaft and other things. He has no idea I know, but his partner in crimes dad told me. This wasn’t an old truck, either. Dinged the paint job, too. He’s 26 now and I’m saving the reveal for when I’m old and he wants to put me in a home lol
10. IneffableAndEngorged‘s story is so NSFW
My 14 year old seems to have developed an interest in storing his spent seed. The second drawer from the bottom in his chest of drawers is about a quarter filled with mini ziplocs of cum. Just obscene amounts of teenage semen. Since I end up doing most of his laundry, I surprised he didn’t imagine I’d find it. He made a cursory effort to hide it in a bag in the corner of the drawer, but, as you know, gym shorts always lead to truth in the end. Quite frankly, I have no desire to engage him on the subject. As long as he remains healthy and productive in this area of his life, I’m alright letting him be so in this one.
11. Korady‘s kid probably wet the bed… ?
My son washed his own bedding for the first time ever a couple weeks ago.
He’s also 12.
12. gigglefarting has a sarcastic yet relatable point
Mine isn’t even a toddler yet, but I know it when he’s actually hiding behind the blanket. I don’t think he really disappeared.