One of the unspoken rules of motherhood is that you will be personally responsible for your child’s costume for a good portion of their adolescence. This is all well and good … until it’s the night before the PTA-organized Halloween party at your kids’ school and you realize that you literally have a matter of hours to throw together a costume for your little one. (Did I mention that all the stores are closed?)
For moms who aren’t obsessively readying their kid’s attire for the Halloween season, coming up with costumes can be a bit of a chore.
Fortunately, kids are naturally cute — so there’s a plethora of lazy costume ideas that won’t require much (read: any) effort on your part, and will still manage to look adorable:
Use black zip-ties an an old hoodie to turn your kid into the cutest little last-minute porcupine ever. Be forewarned, though: this costume could backfire the instant they try to sit on your lap.
2. Mac & Cheese
Mac & cheese doesn’t just have to be your go-to dinner when you can’t be bothered to do real cooking — it can also be a great (or passable) last-minute costume for your kid. Just paint some old toilet paper rolls and tape them to an orange shirt and you’re good to go!
3. Jelly Beans
A transparent plastic bag full of balloons is all you need to pull this one off. But, be prepared: if you dress your kid up as jelly beans, they are 100% going to hit you up for actual jelly beans.
Take that roast pan you’re never actually going to use, paint it green, and tape it to your kid’s back. Done and done.
5. Ceiling Fan
The best thing about punny costumes? They usually require minimal to zero effort. Simply give your little one a giant foam finger and a shirt that says “Go Ceiling.” Sure, you’ll spend the entire evening repeating the same joke — but, for a costume that’s under $5, that’s an acceptable sacrifice.
Take all of that spare tin foil you have lying around and put it to good use by turning your kid into a cute lil’ robot. (And don’t let anybody make you feel bad for putting it back on the roll at the end of the evening — you’re not about to make another trip to the grocery store for that sh*t.)
7. Stick Figure
Some white long underwear, black electrical tape, and a paper plate are all you need to transform your kid into a stick figure. (Or, if you want to pretend to be “woke,” you could probably just call the costume “Impossible Body Standards.”)
8. Julius Caesar
Just take an old bed sheet and turn it into a toga. Boom! Done. There’s a reason lazy college students have this as their go-to costume.
A long grey sock attached to a pacifier will look so damn cute that people won’t even care that you put minimal effort into this costume idea … just make sure it’s a clean sock, though.
10. A Picnic
The mother of all lazy costume ideas: dress your baby in an old Ritz box that you’re too lazy to recycle, then pack a picnic (complete with some wine for yourself). It’s honestly a win-win — and after the five minutes you put into this costume, you definitely deserve a little snack.
Meet another DGAF mom, Bridgette Bird, from the new SHOWTIME comedy series SMILF. Catch a sneak peak of the first episode here. New episodes every Sunday at 10pm – only on SHOWTIME.