Oprah just released her infamous ‘Favorite Things’ list, and I am way too poor for this sh*t

I am something of a novice when it comes to the world of Oprah. Apart from accidentally reading one of her Book Club picks a few times, I’ve never been terribly invested in the Oprah Winfrey world of branding and merchandise. (Although I must give her serious props for being an incredible entrepreneur and a source of inspiration to millions.)

So, when it was announced that Oprah had released the official list of her “Favorite Things” for the holiday season, I decided to take the leap and see which goodies merited an official Oprah recommendation.

My main takeaway? Oprah “officially recommends” some expensive sh*t.

Now, to be fair, there are definitely several gifts on Oprah’s Favorite Things list which are both cute and affordable. These items are far and few between, but they include:

Canvas Home Tinware Espresso Mug Gift Set ($48)

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A set of six mugs for $48 is actually a pretty reasonable deal, and these are very cute and stylish little mugs. Good pick on this one, Oprah.

Gallery Ruffle and Lurex Stripe Gloves ($29.50)

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Slightly pricy, but if you’re in the right climate, this could definitely be both a practical and a treat-yo’-self purchase.

Honey Can Do Herb Preserver ($29.66)

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Okay, I don’t know why you would need a herb preserver, but it’s under $30, so at least you can afford it.

Okay. So much for the good news.

The bad news is that for every fairly reasonably-priced item, there’s also a preposterously expensive gift which you should probably forego so you can pay off your student loans.

Some pricey highlights include:

Breville Nespresso Creatista Plus ($599)

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Yes, I get that coffee makers can be expensive, and that’s not unheard of — but who am I trying to impress so hard that I buy them a $600 Nespresso machine as a gift?

Julep Beauty It’s Whipped Limited Edition Lip Vault ($249)

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Sure, this set includes a bunch of lipsticks, but it might be smarter to grab the Kat Von D Everlasting Mini Liquid Lipstick Set ($50) or the Sephora Favorites “Give Me More Lip” Set ($68) and use that extra $200 to, I don’t know, help pay rent?

Philips Sonicare DiamondClean Smart Electric, Rechargeable Toothbrush ($239)

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I’m truly cackling imagining the circumstances under which I would be compelled to give someone (anyone) a $240 toothbrush.

BeatsX Wireless In-Ear Headphones ($150)

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But why? I’m just going to end up losing these/letting them get tangled up at the bottom of my purse!

Farmhouse Pottery Beehive Fatwood Crock and Fatwood Bag ($120)

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Okay, if you can’t start a fire in your fireplace without using designer wood in designer crockware, I think you should maybe take a step back and reexamine your knowledge of the world.

Finesse, The Store Scented Candles by Joya ($214)

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Not only does this set of candles set you back $200, but each scent is meant to evoke the ambience of a different multi-Michelin-starred restaurant (such as French Laundry and Per Se), none of which I will ever have the luxury of dining in because they are four dollar signs on Yelp.

L’OBJET Bath Salt ($150)

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Um, what if you’re one of those people who just pours your body wash into your bath water to create bubbles? (*cough* ME *cough*)

Centerville Pies Company Signature Chicken Pie ($69)

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First of all, I am dubious about any pie that is not made with some kind of chocolate or custard. Second, I truly cannot imagine paying $69 for what is essentially a frozen chicken pot pie.

Breville Panini Press ($79.96)

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So, this panini press is actually not unreasonably priced — but it’s Oprah’s comment about the contraption that truly shook me to my core. “Some hosts send you off with a goody bag,” she writes in her recommendation. “For years, I’ve loved to give a panini press.”

OH REALLY, OPRAH? Cool, glad you can afford to give out panini presses to your guests like freakin’ Almond Joys on Halloween.

Overall, Oprah’s Favorite Things list has taught me one very important lesson: I am a cheap trash person, and I probably do not deserve nice or luxurious things. However, if you do enjoy indulging yourself or your loved ones around the holidays, then this list is definitely right up your alley.

Stay classy (and mind-bogglingly wealthy), Oprah!

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