There’s a theory going around that Taylor Swift’s song ‘Dress’ is about lusting after Ed Sheeran

It’s official: Taylor Swift’s new album, Reputation, has been released. And, as expected, the world has devolved into chaos.

Okay, not really. But, people are excited.

So excited, in fact, that there are already some outlandish theories floating around out there as to the meanings behind some of Taylor’s new songs. Specifically: that Taylor has written a song describing all the dirty things she wants to do to Ed Sheeran.

The song in question is called “Dress,” and some people think that the songs lyrics hint about Taylor secretly wanting to get Ed into the sack.

Just take a look at the verse in which Taylor talks about “the shape of you”:

Our secret moments
In your crowded room
They’ve got no idea
About me and you
There is an indentation
In the shape of you

As BuzzFeed‘s Ryan Schocket points out, this lyric sounds an awful lot like a cheeky reference to Ed’s recent single, “Shape Of You.”

Taylor then goes on to wax poetic about lots of “patience” and “anticipation,” which definitely sounds like it could be an allusion to a platonic relationship turning romantic:

Made your mark on me
A golden tattoo
All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation
My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah)
All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting

Also, the “golden tattoo” could be a nod to Ed’s giant lion tattoo on his chest. Just sayin’.

As for the lyric which says “I don’t want you like a best friend”? Yeah, we all know that Ed and Taylor have been BFFs for years:

Say my name and everything just stops
I don’t want you like a best friend
Only bought this dress so you could take it off, take it off (ha, ha, ha)

All of that said, I’m honestly kind of dubious about this theory. While I’m perfectly aware that Taylor is known for writing very pointed songs about her personal relationships, this connection seems like a bit of a stretch.

After all, just look at the lyrics describing the night when Taylor first met the mysterious man in the song:

Nights back when you met me
Your buzzcut and my hair bleached
Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

Sorry guys, but Ed Sheeran has never had a buzzcut. He’s never had his air even remotely close to a buzzcut. It goes against every one of his principles (the most important of which is, “Don’t let anyone on to the fact that your hairline is receding”). Since the beginning of Ed Sheeran’s existence, he’s had that iconic, floppy mess of red hair.

My theory? This is about someone Taylor met during her 2016 Met Gala phase, when her hair was (*gasp*) actually bleached.

theres a theory going around that taylor swifts song dress is about lusting after ed sheeran 1 Theres a theory going around that Taylor Swifts song Dress is about lusting after Ed Sheeran

HMM. WHO COULD THAT HAVE BEEN?

Spoiler alert: Tom Hiddleston. She met Tom Hiddleston during the 2016 Met Gala.

However, everyone has pretty much unanimously agreed that Taylor’s new song “Getaway Car” is actually the tune which alludes to her short-lived relationship with Hiddleston. (And, judging from the lyrics, it’s a pretty solid and obvious theory.) It would probably be overkill for Taylor to devote two songs to Hiddleston on one album.

So, which of Taylor’s suitors is “Dress” about? Is it really a song about wanting to bone Ed Sheeran? Or is it about someone entirely different?

No one can say for sure — but I’m definitely going to need some more compelling arguments before I’m willing to accept that Taylor is secretly lusting after Ed.

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