The time for “best of 2017” wrap-up lists is over. It’s time to put 2017 in the past, where it belongs, and look ahead to the distant, far-off, futuristic year of 2018…which starts, like, this weekend. What will happen? Who knows? Actually, people who claim to be psychics are who know. Here are what some of the world’s most prominent clairvoyants say is going to go down in the next few months.
1. Prominent people will admit they’re aliens.
Sylvia Browne, a psychic who regularly appeared on daytime talk shows in the ’90s, revealed her predictions for the 21st century back in 2004. According to Browne, 2018 will be a big year in alien relations, as extraterrestrials already on Earth pretending to be humans will publicly identify themselves. Browne says they’re high powered government officials, and that one of them is a “Nobel Prize winner.” (Which can only mean Bob Dylan.)
2. Men with purses.
Tana Hoy is the “world’s most foremost psychic,” according to the banner on his website. Hoy’s predictions aren’t terribly far-fetched, claiming that more Hollywood sexual harassment and assault scandals will emerge, and that tensions between the USA and North Korea could rise. He also thinks 2018 will be “the year of male pride,” which will manifest in men carrying purses and wearing makeup.
3. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will break up. Or have a baby.
Canadian psychic Lisa Paron claims to have accurately predicted that Kate Middleton would get pregnant with her third baby in 2017, and that Emma Stone would win Best Actress, so she can totally be trusted, you guys. Still, she’s hedging her bets, claiming that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle may split before their wedding, but that if they do get married, they’ll have a baby within a year. Also, Paron says Canada is going to legalize marijuana.
4. Kim Jong-un is done.
Craig Hamilton-Parker claims to have accurately predicted a number of major world events, including Brexit, Donald Trump’s surprising victory in the presidential election, and the 2016 terrorist attack in Nice, France. Hamilton-Parker says that in 2018 we can look forward to a revolution in North Korea that overthrows Kim Jong-un, a serious earthquake will hit the otherwise earthquake-free New Zealand, an impeachment attempt on Trump will fail, and that the U.S. will rent out its nuclear missiles to Japan.
5. No to nukes, yes to hurricanes.
Linda and Terry Jamison are twins…psychic twins. That’s why they bill themselves as “The Psychic Twins,” although they reportedly have other powers — they claim to have spoken with the deceased Princess Diana and Michael Jackson, or example. Their predictions: North Korea will not fire a nuclear missile at the U.S., but there will be more and more severe hurricanes around the world.
6. Justin and Selena, sitting in a tree…
Lyndsay Edwards has predicted all the fun, gossip-style stuff that’s supposed to happen. For example, she says that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s off-and-on thing will go permanently on, because the Biebs is going to propose in 2018. Also, Queen Elizabeth II will retire and pass the throne to Prince Charles.
According to psychic Jeanne Mayell, head scarves will become a hot fashion trend for women, which grows out of a solidarity movement with Muslim women. Vogue will even do a Muslim fashion issue.
8. We’re going to Venus!
Baba Vanga was a mystic and clairvoyant from Bulgaria who died at age 85 in 1996. She once predicted that a chemical-warfare-based World War III would ravage Europe from 2010 to 2014 and the continent wouldn’t exist in the same way by 2016—a prediction that some interpret to mean “Brexit.” As for 2018, some reads of her work say that Vanga predicted that China will become a major world power in 2018 (which they already are), and that scientists will discover a new form of energy…on Venus.