The newest ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ trailer is totally ridonkulous

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: I have never consumed a piece of Fifty Shades of Grey media, and I doubt I’ll be breaking that trend anytime soon.

That said, I’m more than happy to watch any of the Fifty Shades movie trailers and laugh about them/enjoy their blatant porny-ness. I mean, what other film would willingly pair Dakota Johnson with Jamie Dornan when it’s so utterly clear that these two can barely pretend to possess a modicum of desire toward one another? There is nothing better than watching these two stare at one another with dead fish eyes and pretend as though they’re burning with passion.

The newest trailer for Fifty Shades Freed (the final installment!) does not disappoint on this front.

While the trailer is fairly similar to the original teaser, it allows for us to process slightly more information in regards to the film’s alleged plot.

Basically: Ana and Christian are married, he is showering her with material gifts and career opportunities, and the sex is still the only reason to tune in to this particular franchise.

However, the film is going to try its damnedest to enthrall audiences. There’s “intrigue” galore in this new trailer: questions about Christian’s fidelity, a creepy stalker, car chases, jealous women, and a gun shoved down the waistband of Dakota Johnson’s pants. (Just watch it, I don’t feel like explaining that one further.)

Oh, and did I mention that Ana is (pause for effect) pregnant?

Yeah. Shit’s about the get real, fam.

And by “real” I mean the opposite of that, in every possible way.

The film is released on February 14, so prepare to spend your Galentine’s Day gleefully roasting (and maybe secretly enjoying) this Fifty Shades finale. You’ll laugh, you’ll gasp, you’ll fist pump every time that Jamie Dornan is shirtless. It’ll be great.

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