19 Depressing Facts To Drop Next Time You Want To Ruin A Conversation

Are you feeling a little too happy today? Do you feel as though you’re underserving of such joy, and you’re looking for something to take you down a notch or two?

You’re in luck! Below are some of the most un-fun facts you’ll ever read, because who needs to have a good time when instead you can have a sad time?

See Also: 17 Wedding Stories That’ll Make You Say “That Bitch”


1. The fact that coroners can just lie about cause of death, as klearr points out:

“You may have heard that South Koreans have a superstition called fan-death, where if you keep a fan on too long it will kill you. The history of its origins is much darker. When people committed suicide and the coroner had to determine cause of death, they would say it was death by fan. This is to save face of the family and not cause them shame. It eventually became a superstition and one that westerners find funny.”

As someone who lives in Texas, I’ve had many a fan out to kill me.

2. The koalas are dying of STD’s:

“In some parts of Australia 90% of koalas are suffering with chlamydia which is threatening extinction of the species unless a vaccine is developed or massive koala culling happens :(“

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Which one of you assholes had sex with a koala?

3. This horrifying, horrifying realization:

“You can die from Alzheimer’s by means of your brain forgetting how to chew, swallow, breathe, etc.”

4. Hey, try getting this (un)fun fact out of your head next time you watch Seinfeld:

“Most laugh tracks were recorded in the 50’s. You’re hearing dead people laugh.”

I feel like this is a fact someone learned on Seinfeld.

5. Your dog is a bloodthirsty beast ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“Apparently the reason that dogs love squeaky toys is because the sound reminds them of a smaller prey animal getting killed… so there’s that…”

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vicious killer attacking his prey

6. “One wife, sick wife, dead wife, new wife,” or, how Tsquare43 ruined my childhood:

“Dr. Seuss’s wife committed suicide because he was having an affair.”

“While she had cancer, too,” adds CrustyButtFlake helpfully.

7. You are, in fact, your own worst enemy:

“There is one person who is 7x more likely to kill you compared to everyone else. Yourself.”

8. Hedgehogs can get a disease called Wobbly Hedgehog Syndrome, shares botanykid, only to follow it up with:

“which is an adorable name for hedgehog MS.”

9. The most morbid of facts:

“Over your lifetime, you walk past over a dozen murderers”

10. HUG YOUR MOMS, GUYS:

“Your parents picked you up and when they put you down they never picked you up again.”

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11. cdgallahue is out here making vegans cry:

“The wondrous smell you get while cutting grass is actually a chemical distress signal, you’re smelling the silent screams of your lawn.”

12. EatAlgae divulges that being a “local water plant operator” somehow sucks more than you thought:

“There are a few things that, if you flush down the toilet, will most certainly make it into the hands of the operator at your local water plant. They are called “The Three Cs”:

condoms, cockroaches, and corn.”

13. You’ll never look at figs the same way again:

“Figs are pollinated by wasps. When the eggs inside of the fruit hatches all of the wasps are female except for one. They all mate with their one brother and leave to go lay their eggs in more figs, leaving their brother to die inside the fruit it was born in.”

14. This most depressing of birthdays:

“The Curiosity rover on Mars sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to itself every year. Probably the loneliest birthday in the solar system.”

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15. The saddest of animals…the tears, I can’t stop them:

“Worms have 5 hearts but nobody to love.”

16. Wait, nevermind, this is the saddest of animals:

“There is a whale called 52 Blue that only sings at their frequency meaning it can’t communicate with other whales. It is nicknamed the loneliest whale on the planet.”

17. Thanks, ManlyAwesomeness (ironic username?), for the word to the wise:

“After a vasectomy there are still healthy living sperms in your semen. You’ll have to ejaculate for about 50 times before you are out of them.”

18. NO MAKE IT STOP:

“You’ve been deeper inside your mom than your dad has.”

19. Hope you’re having a great weekend!

“There will be a time in the future where your name is spoken for the very last time.”

See Also: 25 Of The Saddest Things That Ever Happened

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