Clumsiness is not a crime, but wasting wine certainly is. Which is why it is absolutely in every clumsy girls’ best interest to invest in products that will lower the incidents of wine abuse, a term which here means: what are you, a millionaire? What are you doing ruining all your wines and rugs ya hot mess?
This is what becoming an adult means, you guys. You don’t have to stop drinking or stop drinking heavily or stop running into walls and spilling Cabernet down the front of your shirt. It means buying things that will save you money in the long run, after you’ve done all of the above. It’s science!
1. This bamboo wine table:
You know what? If you’re a clumsy girl, you should just make a general rule out of dining and wining al fresco. That way, you can spill freely and without shame.
2. This bath and shower suction wine glass holder:
The only other foolproof drinking locale. You can literally pour an entire bottle into the bathtub and not have to worry about cleaning it up, although why anyone would commit such a sacrilegious act is beyond me.
3. These portable wine tumblers:
Drink in public or on the go!
4. This red wine stain remover:
5. These unbreakable wine glasses:
The only thing worse than spilling a bunch of wine is spilling a bunch of wine because you dropped a glass. Now you have clean up shards and wine, and you’re drunk, and life is hard. Do yourself a favor and cut your problems in half.
6. This wine infographic towel:
In the event you do spill, no problem! Clean it up with an appropriately-themed towel. Plus, learn a little something while you do.
7. This fabulous burgundy shag rug:
What’s the point of buying any rug but a red-wine colored rug? Exactly. Plus, it’s on sale at Overstock! You can just, like, keep buying them when they start attracting fruit flies.
8. This wine tote:
If you’re a clumsy gal, then you probably have a habit of dropping things when they don’t have handles. Besides, look at how cute it is! It’s got a hot air balloon on it!
9. These wine wipes:
It’s hard not to get a big ole red mouth when you drink the devil’s juice, but at least it’s now easy to clean it up! Thank you, science!
10. This super easy-to-use corkscrew:
11. This genius wine bottle fridge organizer:
This is a weird picture, because who puts red wine in the fridge? It would make more sense if it were white wine. But that’s besides the point! You can stack up to 10 of these puppies, all neat and organized, in your fridge. You’ll be set for like, an entire week!
12. This wine bottle cooler stick:
Or, avoid the fridge altogether.
13. The wine bra:
Who needs wine glasses, glass bottles, corks, or anything else when you can just subtly sip from this self-contained wine system? You can’t spill it if you tries, plus mama can sip her juice anywhere she goes. Like the movies. Or the park. Or work. Judgement-free zone, here.