The Olympics are in full swing, and millions of people from all around the world are watching on as athletes, who have dedicated years of their lives to intensive training, compete to win the gold.
But I see you, person who’s white knuckling your way through another day full of demands. We all face challenges. Maybe those challenges aren’t dolphin kicking at world record speed (although, I can do a mean mermaid splash in the bathtub), or fitting into a tiny spandex suit to tumble across the floor and shake your rumpshaker like a doe in heat, but really now, aren’t we all just trying to stumble over that damned finish line?
Here’s a list of 18 regular things we should be getting gold medals for, damnit. Because putting on our big girl panties every day actually is tough AF.
1. Paying bills.
It kills you to do it. You have a well-curated Amazon wish list, loaded with designer bags and cute pre-fall clothes, calling your name. But instead you suck it up and fork your cash over to the electric company. Let’s face it, though: What good is looking pulled-together in all that cute swag if you can’t also blow-dry and/or flatiron your hair?
2. Not throwing an adult-sized tantrum.
So many times throughout the day, you probably just want to throw yourself on the floor and flail around because you’re tired or things aren’t going your way. Personally, I don’t do this though, if only because I’m an ugly crier, and my mascara is too damn expensive. If you can pinpoint what your own personal incentive is (or at least wait until you’ve had too much to drink to throw your fit), you’re totally deserving of a medal.
3. Remembering to put the clothes in the dryer.
Nothing makes you feel like more of a domestic badass than washing and drying your clothes on the same day. Like a sorceress!
4. Flawlessly applying your eyeliner.
Let’s be honest: Some days, caffeine and anxiety overload translates to raccoon eyes, no matter what you do. Other days, the makeup gods bless you with steady hands.
5. Not spilling your wine in the bathtub.
Listen, ladies know that multitasking is how to get shit done. This applies to our “treat yo self” time, also. For reasons unknown, not all bathtub ledges are totally flat. It’s like they didn’t even put into consideration that I’d need to set my wine glass there. But once you have achieved pro status at drinking while in the bathtub and not a spill has been dropped, you’ll totally medal.
6. Eating a vegetable.
Pinterest said that this has negative calories in it, so I should have lost at least a pound, right?
7. Cooking dinner when all you want is to order take-out.
It’s been a long ass day, and your stomach feels like it’s eating itself. Just when you’re about to go on GrubHub, you see that meme about not eating fast, cheap, or easy. WTF? You pinned that shit to guilt yourself in times like these, and it worked.
8. Getting your oil changed.
This should be worth more than one gold medal, actually. Because, in doing so, you have to put yourself in a series of uncomfortable situations: leaving your house, talking to strangers, making decisions about what kind of service you want, sitting next to even more strangers, drinking shitty coffee just to have something to do, telling someone no when they ask if you want them to replace your windshield wiper for “only” $500.
9. Remembering to floss.
No one likes to admit it, but for many of us, flossing is almost like a national holiday that falls on the morning of your dental checkup. If you remember to floss any day other than National Bleeding Gums Day, you deserve a gold medal.
10. Making that Pinterest recipe that’s been on your board for a year.
Why do you peruse Pinterest for fancy recipes that are way out of your league? Make a list of ingredients, buy them, and then subconsciously commit to not making that dish? Who the fuck knows. But when you finally make it (and like it!), you are truly a winner.
11. Writing a grocery list instead of winging it.
You needed toilet paper and cumin, but you came home with everything but those things. The worst part? You realized what you forgot the moment you pulled into your driveway.
12. Touching your boobs funny.
Breast cancer is serious business, and it’s one of those things that keeps us up at night. Yet we go months and months and months without giving ourselves self-exams. Oh, but when we do notice something a little odd, we force everyone we know to see if they can feel it, too.
13. Taking your makeup off before bed.
This means coming to terms with what my face really looks like, and some nights, subjecting myself to clogged pores is a price I’m willing to pay. (To be fair, there are the nights that I’m so exhausted I just fall asleep.) The best case scenario, obv, is when I act like a responsible lady and follow my nighttime beauty regimen—aka taking my damn makeup off.
14. Cleaning your inbox.
If you’re anything like me, these emails are the bane of your existence. A serial killer in digital form, lurking in the shadows of your spam label, giving you the uneasy feeling that you’re being watched. Unsubscribing one by one would take an eternity, so just click “check all,” and trash those suckers. The best part? Hitting delete forever.
15. Calling to make a doctor’s appointment.
The idea of actually talking to another person who is not a friend or family member would probably be enough for people to stop going for check-ups altogether. That is, if we weren’t worried about, you know, living. So, kudos if you get off your ass and go to the doctor.
16. Finding the mystery smell.
The crisper drawer is like a casket for all your #CleanEating goals. Nine times out of 10, that’s where the funk is coming from. When it’s not, though, we go on a full-scale sniffestigation.
17. Taking a shower and getting ready when you don’t feel like it.
So many things have to happen in the shower… Shaving, conditioning, exfoliating, shower-heading. Get that all done today, and you’re undoubtedly succeeding at life.
18. Answering a phone call from a number you didn’t recognize.
Shut. It. Down. Look at you go, throwing caution and crippling anxiety to the wind. You do this, and you win it all!