Sometimes, it’s easy to feel as though there is no rhyme or reason to the ways of the world, and that nothing in this life makes any kind of karmic sense.
Fortunately, writer and Twitter user Sarah Gailey felt compelled during these trying times to offer a bit of levity to all of us, in the form of a hilarious revenge story. She took to Twitter to describe the tale of her terrible ex-boyfriend, who never listened to anything Sarah said.
Obviously, a guy who refuses to listen to his girlfriend and persistently ignores her deserves some divine retribution — the more poetic, the better.
At this point, I imagine the boyfriend somehow transfiguring into that assh*le cat who takes pleasure in knocking glassware off the table, despite his owner’s frantic protests.
Unfortunately for the stubborn boyfriend in question, his girlfriend was just trying to look out for his best interests and help him avoid a truly disgusting fate.
(In case you have somehow been spared any exposure to the Ped Egg, here is the commercial in question.)
(You can feel the gross dread building in your stomach, can’t you?)
Anywho, to continue with the tale of the doomed boyfriend!
(*Barfs at the usage of the graphic phrase “flesh confetti”*)
There you have it, ladies and (more importantly) gents: as mind-blowing as it might seems, your girlfriend occasionally knows what she’s talking about. And, in some rare instances, she may actually know more than you do. Please heed her warnings, and listen to her, otherwise some exceptionally nasty sh*t could go down (both physically and emotionally).
Fortunately, many twitter users are feeling especially inspired by this tale, and feel that it is a story of true, divine justice.
This sliver of hope is what we should all carry with us during the last, bleak month of 2016. Let’s all enter the new year with the sheer optimism inspired by this story, and the belief that obnoxious people will get their crusty, crusty comeuppance.
Also, please don’t leave your gross foot-care products lying on your coffee table in front of guests. Just a little hostess tip!