It’s F*cking Science: We Should All Be Taking Masturbation Breaks At Work

You know you’re not supposed to sit at a desk for 8+ hours a day, guzzle coffee and/or soda, eat a takeout lunch, get super-aggravated by messages from your colleagues, snack on junk at 3 pm, etc. But that doesn’t mean you’re not doing that. In fact, you’re probably doing that right now. Far too many of us build a stress relief plan into our work day. That’s why we should all be allowed masturbation breaks!

This according to a new report in the UK publication Metro, which investigated whether office policies on workplace masturbation make employees more productive.

Mark Sergeant, a senior lecturer in psychology at Nottingham Trent University, told Metro that a masturbation break would be “very effective at work,” describing it as a “great way to relieve tension and stress.” Sergeant also thinks it would serve as a “self-motivational reward.” Hit that deadline? Give yourself an O!

“I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,” psychologist and life coach Dr. Cliff Arnall told Metro. “Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.”

But he does warn that you shouldn’t be fantasizing about a colleague, cuz that could prove too distracting. And Sergeant says that employers encouraging any sort of sexual behavior on the job is a “slippery slope” that could lead to far more nefarious acts like sexual harassment more accepted. Eep.

Still, some people are already all about wanking it at work, at least according to a survey done by Guyfi (which is actually a masturbation booth popup, heh) last year. They found that 40% of New Yorkers masturbate on the job. We’re such animals!

And this isn’t the first time the advice has been floated. Last year, Ravishly claimed, “fapping is the new smoke break,” stating that getting yourself off on the job will help “boost output and creativity.”

Or you could, you know…meditate. Take a walk. Do some deep breathing. Chat with a colleague. Do some yoga on your lunch break. Actually take a lunch break. Taking care of your sexual needs here and there is totally understandable, but seems like no matter how beneficial it sounds on paper, the workplace is not the ideal place to squeeze in a solo sex session.

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