Regardless of how few fucks you allegedly give, it’s unavoidable to feel slightly embarrassed when the delivery guy shows up and you’re wearing a stained pair of sweatpants and clearly haven’t left the house in 24 hours. We feel absurdly vulnerable around delivery people, because they know exactly what we eat when we’re at our lowest and most base. They know our dirty little food secrets.
According to the receipt, the customer asked for three orders of mozzarella sticks, an order of deep-fried pickles, some slaw, and a Diet Coke (because you have to watch out for those calories). As a southerner, nothing about this order strikes me as an aberration from the standard takeout requirements. However, the customer clearly felt embarrassed about the amount of fried food they had just ordered for one person, and were compelled to type out an explanation in their online order comment box.
The self-conscious customer wrote, “Yes — I meant to order three mozzarella sticks. Please don’t judge me. I’m having a bad week and was so excited they were back on the menu.”
TO which I simply must say: my dear mozzarella sticks fan, do not hide your light under a bushel. Do not be embarrassed of your love for fried cheese. Do not apologize for numbing the emotional aftermath of a terrible week with the comfort of fried food.
You are ordering online — you are already in a safe space.
That said, this is also highly relatable. There have been multiple occasions in which I have felt compelled to tell my delivery guy, “It’s not alway like this, I swear,” or, “I had a salad for lunch today, my shit is totally together.”
Perhaps this should be a lesson for all of us to never be apologists when it comes to our junk food consumption. Delivery people are sacred beings, and they understand that your bizarre and enthusiastic food cravings deserve to stay in the privacy of your own home.
Now, BRB — must procure some mozzarella sticks.