Many dating profiles are terrible. But occasionally, a profile comes along that forces us all to reconsider our definition of the word “terrible,” and ultimately lower our collective standards.
Daily Show writer Kashana Cauley recently stumbled upon a dating profile for an (allegedly) 22-year-old dude that absolutely takes the cake in terms of utter, unabashed foulness. Naturally, the entire thing is also hilarious, so Cauley felt compelled to share her social archaeology find on Twitter.
The profile also features two helpful photos of the guy in question. And by “photos,” I mean selfies taken in and (probably) directly outside of his car.
Oh God, there is just so much to unpack here. Where to even begin?
Should we start with the fact that this guy leads by saying that he identifies as “alt-right”? Should we barf over his desire to find an “anarcho-capitalist” girlfriend? Perhaps we should ponder the veracity of his claim to have a 133 IQ. Maybe we could analyze whether or not anthropological subrace is even a thing? (My spellcheck says “no, it is not.”) Could we collectively roll our eyes over his usage of the phrase “hmu bitches”? Or, should we simply laugh over the fact that this guy (who I am 25% sure is named “Dorian”) felt compelled to include his precise penis measurements?
It’s a goldmine of terribleness. It’s a douche-mine.
Twitter quickly jumped on the irresistible opportunity to roast this alt-right Romeo.
I mean, I guess alt-right trolls need love, too? Or, at the very least, a female human that makes them feel superior.
I hope this guy and his 4-inch (I mean, “7.75 inch”) penis are very happy together, because I have a feeling that it’s going to be just the two of them for quite some time.