Everyone has their sob story they’re trying to get over; that bad mistake you want to forget but always seem to be reminded of. It’s one thing to be aware of your struggle, but it’s another to use it as an excuse. Too often we girls blame our terrible ex-boyfriends as the reason they can’t find someone better, and it has to stop.
1. Not all guys are the same.
If your focus is on douchey guys who treat girls like crap, then that’s all you’re going to see. It’s time to abandon your “all guys suck” motto and adopt a better mindset about the opposite sex. Some guys are literal worst, yeah, but some are the best. You need to stop thinking that there’s only one type of man out there and open your eyes up to see the others.
2. Harboring hate for your ex means you still haven’t let go.
When a guy does something that hurts or disappoints you, do you immediately make a laundry list in your head of all the other times men have let you down? Holding on to any form of anger when it comes to an ex-boyfriend is just keeping you in that place and stopping you from actually moving on. Things happen, and they can either haunt you for the rest of your life and motivate you to do something different. It’s up to you.
3. You’re not giving new guys a chance.
Meeting a guy and then deciding five minutes later that he’s a total jerk isn’t really fair. You have to give someone a real shot to show you who they are before you judge. So stop labeling and writing guys off instantaneously just because you weren’t impressed by their recent bro-night Snapchat story. Take time to actually get to know someone who’s interested in you before you make a decision. People can surprise you.
4. Not everyone will hurt you.
Yes, some people will, but you’ll also be the one hurting someone sometimes. Every single person in this world isn’t out to get you, and the quicker you stop living your life like they are, the better chance you have of actually being happy. People are selfish and more focused on their own desires than what we realize. Most of the time, when they do hurt us, is just because our interests weren’t at the forefront of their minds. And it’s not like you’re thinking of others 24/7, so you can’t really blame anybody for that.
5. Your victim mentality will keep you from real happiness.
If you want your world to be small and sad, then keep playing the victim. Keep telling yourself that bad things happen to you and that it’s everyone else’s fault but your own. But if you want your world to be bigger, brighter and full of possibility and adventure, then take some damn responsibility. Stop choosing guys who suck, friends who take advantage of you and spending your time on things that get you nowhere. The sooner you step up, the better off you’ll be.
6. Self-destructive behavior well get you nowhere.
Doing the same thing over and over again — and then complaining about it over and over again — will just keep you in the same sorry spot forever. If you want change, you have to change. It’s as simple as that.
7. You could be missing out on someone really great.
If you’ve been blaming your romantic downfalls on your ex, there’s a good chance you missed out on someone who was actually worth your time. Getting hurt can really screw with our heads. It can make us afraid of commitment, love and pretty much anyone who takes an interest in us. We’re always looking around the corner and wondering what a guy’s “real intentions” are, but living with that mentality will just keep you in that place of fear.
8. Taking responsibility for your life is the only path to freedom.
Sure, you could take a chance on a guy and get hurt, but you’ve been hurt before, so really that’s nothing new. Getting your heart broken because you tried to fight for love is something you’ve already learned how to do. So really, it’s not the downfall you’re worried about, but what happens if things go right. The fear is that things will work out, and you’ll get attached and happy. Isn’t that kind of a silly fear to have?
9. Deep down, you probably have resentment towards yourself for not leaving the relationship sooner.
We’re all acutely aware of the mistakes we’ve made. We know we stayed with a guy too long or gave someone too many second chances. Because of that, there’s a big fear that we’ll do it again; that we never learned and we’re doomed to repeat the same cycle for the rest of our lives. But being aware of what we did wrong is what will keep us from doing it again. You need to give yourself some credit.
10. If you lead with love, good things will happen.
Living in fear will keep you in fear and only invite more fear and worry into your life. If you live with the mindset of love and loving all the things that come your way, then you’ll be able to handle anything — good or bad.
Emily Blackwood is a writer, dog mom, and occasional narcissist living in what her mom refers to as “a bubble.” Geographically speaking, it’s more like Daytona Beach, Florida. A graduate of the University of Central Florida, she is a community editor for a local newspaper and spends most of her time trying to convince her dog to cuddle.