These Detachable Jeans Are Bad, And They Should Feel Bad

After Nordstrom attempted to sell everybody on a pair of ruined, pre-muddied pants for $425, I really shouldn’t be surprised that a clothing company could commit such expensive atrocities to denim. And yet, it seems as though there is always a new, despicable trend waiting around the corner to lower my standards.

The clothing website Opening Ceremony now features a pair of detachable jeans, which transform into shorts. They cost $425 (I’m noticing a trend, here) and they are truly and undeniably hideous.

Remember those swishy pants that people wore in middle school that could transform into shorts with just a few unzips? Well, now there’s a denim version of those pants, which nobody asked for!

screen shot 2017 05 18 at 10 38 01 am These Detachable Jeans Are Bad, And They Should Feel Bad

And yes, in case you were wondering the shorts are somehow uglier than the initial pants.

screen shot 2017 05 18 at 10 38 08 am These Detachable Jeans Are Bad, And They Should Feel Bad

The website offers literally no explanation for why you might want/need these pants, so I decided to come up with a few possibilities (just to play Devil’s Advocate):

  • The lower part of your pants catches on fire, and you must remove them.
  • You got dressed thinking it was winter, then went outside and realized it was summer.
  • You’re forced to walk through a pool of tepid water, and the bottoms of your pants get ruined.
  • You succumb to the insatiable urge to get an impromptu suntan.
  • You work as a stripper in a PG-rated, family-friendly strip club.
  • You endeavor to own only one pair of pants.

Outside of these circumstances, I’m not entirely sure why these jeans would be helpful. Couldn’t you just take that $425 and buy a pair of pants and a pair of shorts? I’m no mathematician, but it seems like that move would make more sense, both fiscally and aesthetically.

Oh, well. If you find the prospect of easily-removable pant legs compelling, then who am I to stop you from shelling out hundreds of dollars on a pair?

Although if you’re going to do that, you should probably also just buy a pair of Wheelies, as long as you’re perpetuating the trend of Middle School Chic.

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