You might think that when your friend describes the guy she’s set you up with as “so nice” or “charming,” it’s promising, but it might actually be a bad sign. Here are 13 “compliments” we give to guys that are actually not always good things in reality:
1. “He’s so nice.”
Out of all the words your friend could have used to describe the guy she wants you to meet, she went with “nice”? How generic. Clearly this guy is going to be a borefest. Go on your phone right now and cancel Friday’s date.
2. “He’s so charming.”
Charm can be a good thing in a partner, but if has it in excess, maybe he’s using it to cover up some hidden agenda or fatal flaw. After all, dangerous men are often charming, so this isn’t such a great compliment.
3. “He loves the opera/ballet/poetry.”
So what? Just because he’s into things that sound like cultured hobbies to have, it really doesn’t mean that he’s going to be a classy or chivalrous kind of guy. It’s better to hear about his actual personality traits because these can be quite different from his interests.
4. “Everyone loves him!”
Some guys just seem to attract attention everywhere they go, but they work hard for it. Maybe they’re the life of the party, the charmer, or the hot guy in the office. Whenever there’s too much attention placed on a guy, it can go straight to his head. Egomaniac alert!
5. “He looks so hot in all the selfies he posts.”
Of course you want to check the guy out on social media before you meet him in real life, and a few hot selfies might make you think he’s a handsome guy you’d like to date. However, if you’re scrolling through 30 or 40 selfies of the guy, he might just love himself and the attention he gets from women too much.
6. “He’s dated lots but can’t find the right woman.”
Shame, do you feel bad for him? Don’t. If he’s been around the block and dated so many women, maybe there’s a reason he always winds up single. Maybe he’s got commitment issues or he’s a player. Besides, what’s attractive about feeling sorry for someone? The last thing you need is to be stuck with a guy who always plays the victim in his life.
7. “He’s a gym bunny.”
Working out and leading a healthy lifestyle are wonderful qualities in a guy, but if he’s always in the gym that could be a problem if you end up dating him. Just think: you won’t be able to indulge in carbs without him wrinkling his nose at you, or sleep in on a Sunday without him waking you up and asking you to go to a spinning class. Ugh.
8. “He’s really close to his mom.”
A mama’s boy can be sexy and sensitive, but he needs boundaries in his relationship with her if he’s going to make a good boyfriend. You don’t want to date someone who depends on his mother too much or allows her to intrude in your relationship.
9. “He’s so friendly.”
It’s great to be friendly, but it could be a word used as a synonym for flirtatious, which is a whole different ballgame. If he’s always flirting with women, that makes him a cheating risk which you don’t need in your life.
10. “He’s really shy.”
Shy guys are sexy, but not if they’re painfully shy. How are you supposed to deal with a guy who expects you to make the first move in the relationship or put in all the work? It’s like dating a teenager. Ugh.
11. “He’s traveled a lot/just got a promotion.”
When people talk about a guy’s status or material possessions, warning bells should ring. He obviously walks around bragging about all that he’s got or where he’s been in the world, but that’s bullshit. You want to know what he’s like as a person, not what his status is. If he depends on status to make him look good, he’s empty inside.
12. “He’s a musician.”
Musicians can be sexy AF, but often the term “musician” really means “stoner living in his parents’ basement.” Sure, he and his band might make it big some day, but until then, you’re going to need a guy who makes a regular income and doesn’t have to bum a ride from you every time you go to dinner.
13. “He’s a cute, geeky guy.”
Geeks are cute. Wait — the way we’ve glamorized nerds and geeks has made them cute. Sitting in a room with a guy who can’t tear his eyes away from his video games or the computer he’s building? Not cute. You probably don’t want a nerdy guy who dresses like Steve Urkel and snorts when he laughs, do you? Hell no. You want a hottie who looks intelligent because he wears glasses. There’s a difference.
Giulia is a freelance writer living in Johannesburg, South Africa. She writes for local and international websites, with a special interest in writing about dating. In her spare time, she can be found blissed out in a bookstore or writing fiction of her own. She loves Oscar Wilde, organic beauty products and Italian food.