19 pieces of proof that fidget spinners are out to destroy us all

Fidget spinners are the hot new toy for fidgety humans, and their proliferation has caused quite a ruckus among adults and kids alike. These spinning devices are distracting children everywhere, and driving teachers up the wall. They are perplexing adults, and preventing productivity far and wide. They’re even serving as fascinating objects for dogs and cats, creating an entirely new kind of viral video!

In short, fidget spinners are an absurd fad that has quickly gotten out of hand, and now we’re all probably doomed.

Here are some compelling arguments for why these seemingly innocuous toys will surely be responsible for our collective downfall.

1. “Fidget spinning” probably shouldn’t go on anyone’s resume.

2. Fidget spinners are a truly dangerous distraction to any motorists out there.

3. They bring drama with them everywhere they go.

4. These fidget spinners are making us covetous, y’all.

5. Not to mention the fact that our parents are *weeping*.

6. They’re even making our bullies lame!

7. How have fidget spinners not killed us all?

8. But … really, though.

9. What about our poor old, forgotten toys??

10. Also, can fidget spinners PLEASE be called literally anything other than “fidget spinners”?

11. They are jeopardizing our sex lives.

12. Pretty soon our population will be in decline.

13. They have made us forget our traditional, homespun anxiety.

14. Oh, and forget professionalism.

15. WE SEE FIDGET SPINNERS EVERYWHERE. WE CAN’T UNSEE THEM.

16. Fidget spinners keep finding new ways to bring shame to our families.

17. They make us ask the truly stupid questions.

18. They are endangering our fragile technology.

19. THEY ARE FORCING US TO BECOME ILLITERATE, I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU EVEN MANAGED TO READ THIS POST.

Share Tweet E-email