Celebrities do strange things on a regular basis. It’s part of what makes them so inherently fascinating. (Don’t even get me started on Lindsay Lohan’s deleted tweets.) But, starting a secret Instagram account dedicated to reviewing fried food to a few dozen followers? That’s a whole new level of eccentricity.
As luck would have it, I have Lorde to thank for introducing me to a wonderful world in which celebrities dole out highly-opinionated diatribes on junk food.
According to Newshub, a public Instagram account known as “onionringsworldwide” may very well be curated by none other than Lorde herself.
Some investigative journalism from the news outlet leads “experts” (read: people on the internet) to believe that the singer-songwriter has taken to posting Instagram photos of onion rings she’s ordered while traveling and subsequently assigning them a numerical rating — all while hiding her identity.
Why would a pop star create an anonymous Instagram account exclusively dedicated to rating onion rings on a five-point scale, you ask? Um, why wouldn’t someone do such a thing?
That said, there are certain pieces of evidence to back up the hunch that Lorde is secretly “onionringsworldwide” in the flesh:
1. The account isn’t following anyone — but Lorde is following this Instagram account.
Famous people tend to not follow random Instagram accounts (which is why so many people beg Kylie Jenner to follow them back when commenting on her photos). Typically, they follow people they know, and aren’t particularly interesting in “slumming it” when it comes to social media (harsh, but true). The fact that Lorde would expend valuable energy following this account means that something is up: either she’s the one running the account, or she knows the person who is.
Also, the account itself only has 24 followers, several of which are Lorde’s friends and associates. Therefore, one can infer that Lorde and her friends are all following this account because they have some sort of personal investment in it (and perhaps even created the account).
2. An onion ring photo was posted on the account from Lorde’s supposed location.
Shortly after Lorde performed at Bonaroo in Tennessee, an onion ring rating was posted to the account with the caption, “Tempura onion ring eaten ceremoniously on plane from Tennessee to New York.”
The photo definitely lines up with Lorde’s travel patterns, and upholds the theory. Also, the only kind of domestic flight where you would be offered onion rings on an actual plate is the celebrity kind of domestic flight.
3. The fingernails.
It sounds obsessive, but the fingernail resemblance between Lorde and whoever is posting these photos is uncanny.
Just see for yourself: notably short nails, no polish, distinct moons.
It’s a small piece of evidence, but it’s definitely worth noting.
But, perhaps the most telling of all the pieces of evidence is:
4. The account was deactivated as soon as people started asking Lorde’s management about it.
Yes. Sadly, “onionringsworldwide” is now defunct. Newshub got a tad zealous when reporting on the account, and perhaps ventured too far by asking Lorde’s representation about her onion ring opinions. The account was promptly shut down.
Lorde has yet to confirm or deny her involvement in the account, but its conveniently-timed demise seems fairly suggestive.
It is, sadly, quite fitting: we were gifted with something so pure and good, so naturally we had to kill it with the Internet Hug Of Death. We loved too hard, and now we must pay the price with the lack of a Lorde-powered onion ring Instagram account.
But I have hope. I believe, when she encounters an onion ring we truly need to now about, she’ll be back.