If you’re interested in nannying at a haunted house, your dream job just opened up

If you’ve ever spent any time babysitting or nannying, then you are well-aware that jobs in childcare often require coping with certain eccentricities. Occasionally the kids have strange food preferences, sometimes the parents are distant to the point of being practically nonexistent, and you will most likely have to clean human pee off of the floor at least once. (What, just me?)

Oh, and sometimes you may have to deal with a mischievous ghost or two.

One recent listing on Childcare.co.uk has garnered quite a bit of attention, thanks the job description’s unusual, supernatural twist.

The nanny listing in question starts out rather promising. “We are friendly family of four with 2 children ages 5 and 7 living in a small village in the Scottish Borders,” the lister writes. “We have a lovely, spacious, historic property in a remote spot with spectacular views.”

Spectacular views? In Scotland? Um, sign me up, please!

The listing goes on to describe the basic duties which will be expected of the prospective nanny:

Duties would include preparing breakfast, getting the children ready for school, dropping off and picking up from school and assisting after school, including helping with homework and getting them ready for bed. 

My husband and I are both very busy professionals who are often required to work away and there are occasions, up to 4 nights per week, (weekdays only) when we will both be away and you will be at the property alone in sole charge.

You will be provided with your own comfortable room with en-suite bathroom and private kitchen.

Oh, hell yes. An en-suite bathroom is a major coup.

The benefits aren’t bad either:

We are offering a salary of £50,000 gross per annum and 28 days holiday (plus bank holidays) for the right person.

Wow. A month off, plus holidays? This is sounding like a pretty sweet gig.

Oh, but there’s one more thing you should probably know:

We have lived in our home for nearly 10 years. We were told it was ‘haunted’ when we bought it, but kept our minds open and decided to buy the house regardless. 5 nannies have left the role in the last year, each citing supernatural incidents as the reason, including strange noises, broken glass and furniture moving. This has obviously been a period of great upheaval for our children. We haven’t personally experienced any supernatural happenings, as they have been reported only while we’ve been out of the house, but we’re happy to pay above the asking rate, and feel it’s important to be as up-front as possible to find the right person.

Oh, okay, sure, that makes perfect s—

WAIT, HOLD UP.

Five nannies have bailed from this job due to “supernatural incidents”? Either these kids are terrible and their nannies are just finding any excuse to quit, or this house is a damn ghost orgy. Which, if you’re curious about working in a haunted locale, might not be a deterrent at all.

The prospect of working in a haunted house might seem less-than-ideal to some, but, on the whole, the job actually sounds pretty perfect — as long as you follow some simple ground rules when it comes to nannying alongside the supernatural:

  1. If you hear children giggling, do not immediately assume it is the human children.
  2. Always keep a flashlight on hand for when the lights inevitably flicker and go out.
  3. If there is a basement and/or attic, STAY THE FUCK OUTTA THERE.
  4. Do not read aloud from any book you find, particularly if it was hidden under old floorboards.
  5. Avoid looking in old mirrors.
  6. If the kids start saying weird shit, call a priest.

There are definitely more rules, but you’ll pick those up as you go. Consider this whole “haunted nannying” thing a learning experience!

However, don’t be surprised if you apply for the job listing and you receive a reply saying, “There must be some sort of mistake. Nobody’s lived in that house for over 40 years!”

Hey, even ghosts need childcare sometimes.

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