Teachers, AKA our modern saints, have to deal with unbelievable crap on a fairly regular basis. Because when you’re in charge of guiding a group of immature and pubescent kids through the education system, you will inevitably encounter some astoundingly reckless behavior.
A recent AskReddit prompted teachers to share the most elaborate and creative ways students had ever tried to cheat. Though there were some answers that weren’t from teachers (because this is Reddit, and nobody can follow directions), all of the shared stories were truly diabolical examples of ingenious/outrageous cheating methods.
After reading these stories, one thing is abundantly clear: teachers definitely deserve higher salaries, because this sh*t is bananas.
1. Wumbsy relayed the tale of the infamous Masturbating Cheat:
Not a teacher but, a couple years ago another student in my class had written equations on a scroll. He cut a hole in each of his pockets and put an end of the scroll in each, running the scroll across the inside of his pants. When he would unzip his pants he could see the middle of the scroll through the zipper and would be able to move the scroll left and right by rolling it up in either pocket. Was a really great idea, except it looked like he was masturbating at his desk during every test.
2. superboredteacher was almost impressed with how little her student attempted to cover their tracks:
First time I ever caught a kid plagiarising a paper – full on copy and paste. I printed off the website. I took a highlighter and highlighted every line on both her paper and the print-out that were identical. I was PREPARED to nail her ass to the wall. So I call her in, and show them and am just about to tear into her, and she goes “No Miss! I didn’t plagiarise! I swear! I paid my friend to do my work! THEY plagiarised!” I literally had to walk away to stop from laughing. She paid someone to cheat, and that person copy and pasted it.
3. valiantfreak shared how one shop teacher pretty much helped their own students cheat:
At my mate’s school the Industrial Arts teacher though he was pretty clever. He would stack the completed answer sheets from his multiple choice tests and use the drill press to drill out the correct letters.
Then he would just count how many coloured-in answers remained on each piece of drilled paper and subtract this number from the total number of questions to quickly work out the overall mark.
Of course it was only a matter of time before his students realised they could just turn up, pretend to take the test, and submit a blank piece of paper to get full marks
4. xxmaxxusxx’s teacher couldn’t even trust wristwatches anymore:
5 years ago when I was a freshmen in high school my biology teacher told us (and proved it by showing a picture he said he had to take cause no one in the future would be believe him) that a kid had taken apart his watch and replaced the little date dial with a piece of paper he carefully wrote on and put all the notes on this piece of paper and just turned the dial during an exam. Naturally he got caught for suspiciously staring and squinting at his watch oddly throughout the exam
Smart idea, stupidly executed
5. lalajia’s students really underestimated the MARGIN of error:
I used to work at a University, and one of the exams was a “here’s a list of ten questions, study these, and three of them will be on your final” type paper.
The empty books for students to write their exam essays were kept in a storage room under a lecture theatre. One student must’ve spotted this, waited till the janitor left it unlocked, got a pile of the University branded exam books, written out their answers to the ten listed questions, then smuggled the completed books into the exam and placed the appropriate three on their desk.
The lack of writing activity made the invigilator suspicious, and they checked the books – it just so happened the student had stolen a batch with a blue margin, but the books handed out for use that day had a pink margin.
6. I don’t think LeggoMahLegolas’ friend understands how “cheating” works:
My friend just turned around and asked my other friend if his answer was the same as his. In the middle of the test, with normal volume, therefore, the professor heard and saw it.
7. cms_fbgm was responsible for one of the most incredible cheating ploys ever invented:
one time one of my buddies stole the final out of the teacher’s desk when she wasn’t looking. we took the test home and used the textbook to get all the answers. since it was multiple choice, I decided to make a coded keychain with colored beads on it.
the keychain was 50 beads long and was color coded to reflect the correct answers in chronological order. for instance, red = A, blue = B, yellow = C, and green = D.
I attached it to my car keys and just left my keys on top of my desk as a I took the test. the best part was that the teacher complimented my keychain as she handed out the tests. I told her my little sister made it for me as a good luck token for finals. I don’t have a little sister.
8. Dothanite’s students could have probably just studied in the time it took them to come up with their method of cheating:
I helped at a private school in India during their finals weeks. I was told to watch out for some of the crazy cheating methods they’ve seen.
My favorite was how one girl covered in henna tattoos (which is normal) actually inscribed all of the answers into the decorative hennas. It looked normal from a distance, too.
One entire class had a fully multiple choice audible code. One student was the leader, and would tap his pencil for A, cough for B, tap his foot for C, and sniff for D. Everyone else would just write down the answers. They got caught, but it was pretty impressive that an entire class of 30 kids worked together like that.
9. RPBTC learned the hard way not to trust a cool hairstyle:
I had a male student with cool long hair doing a math exam. I wasn’t applying the exam but just watching them to avoid cheating. This guy, which I had been teaching for two years, was acting extremely weird, super nervous, and I knew he was into something. I did all the tricks I know to see if I could catch him (like staring backwards to them for a minute, then suddenly turning back haha), but everything was fine. Two years later, he told me he was indeed cheating: he voice-recorded all the formulas on his cellphone, and used a little headphone whose cable was perfectly hidden from his back up to his ear and hair. Since he had a badass long hair which he always styled the same, I didn’t even suspect about it.
10. dragonflye559 still thinks about the cheating students who got away:
I have no proof of this, but I swear it happened. I was a TA for a physics class in college. We give the final exam. The next day, the other TA and I are grading the exams, and two students have very similar answers. Not copied exactly, but similar enough that its suspicious. Especially because one of the students was the lowest in the class, and the questions were pretty difficult. But these kids were nowhere near each other, and neither took bathroom breaks during the test, and we collect all phones at the start. Our only possible theory is that they somehow got the test early. But I kept it locked in my closet for the days before it was given. So I began to think back. I remembered that about a month or so before, this one student was having trouble seeing an assignment online (or so he said), so he asked me to sign into his laptop to download the file for him. So I did, and then signed out.
So my theory is… This kid used some sort of keystroke recorder to get my email password, got a copy of the exam from the email from my professor. Worked on the test beforehand with this other kid who wasn’t as good, until they had decent answers, then they both just did the test normally after that.
It still haunts me to this day.
11. TheNo1pencil now knows that yarmulkes can absolutely be multi-purpose:
A teacher told us a story of the school around the corner. It was an all boys Jewish school so every boy there wore a yarmulke. Boy ajust their yarmulkes all the time. So one smart boy in the front of the class would look at the first question and if the answer was A, he would move his yarmulke to the right. Then maybe if the next answer was B, he would shift it to the left. And the whole class could cheat off him.
12. 2059FF’s cheating student was so ballsy that she actually incorporated a phone:
Once I had a student take an exam wearing a chador that covered her head and neck, leaving only her face exposed. She was Muslim, I think, but during the term she had never worn even a headscarf. The sudden change was a bit weird but whatever.
During the test, I kept hearing strange noises coming from where she was sitting, so I approached her silently. Turns out she was hiding a cell phone in there, and was talking to an accomplice.
13. Back2Bach’s student actually tried to fake a live performance, a la Ashlee Simpson:
In keyboard harmony and performance lab, students were assigned various pieces to perform for one another at their individual keyboards.
One student thought he was being clever to get around the assignment by recording another piano major’s performance on the lab’s MIDI <in-out-through> system, then “pretending” to to be performing live when called upon.
Sadly for him, that other player was a student of mine. I recognized his particular performance nuances immediately, then walked by to check out the counterfeit player’s “rendition.”
He knew that I was onto him. But I chose not to embarrass this student, but instead waited for class to conclude before talking with him in private.
14. FatSiamese’s French teacher was admirably chill about getting duped:
My french teacher told a story about a student who REALLY didn’t want to present in front of the class, so the day before he told his friend to come and knock on the door crying and distract the teacher. After 10 minutes the friend went away and when the teacher came back in, the whole class was clapping because the kid told them to clap when she came back in. He ended up with an A.
15. topmast_staysail’s students literally pulled off an episode of Sister, Sister:
Twins. One of them took the other’s exam since their two sections wrote the exam at different times. Would have worked but she accidentally signed her own name instead of her twin sister’s on one page.
16. princess_sparklecunt’s teacher never trusted a water bottle again:
One of my high school math teachers banned water bottles on test days because a previous student reprinted the bottle label with formulas in the ingredients list.