I can't believe it's already "can't afford to attend another wedding" season.
— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) August 5, 2013
If I get married, can I make my cell phone the Maid of Honor?
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 28, 2013
Rabbi: We're here to join Rob &Laura in holy matrimony
Maid of honor (me): Laura! That's her name! I've been waiting for someone to say it!
— GABY DUNN 🏳️🌈 (@gabydunn) December 17, 2015
what's the personality disorder where you get your bridesmaid's dress 6 months early but wait until 18 days b4 the wedding to get it altered
— (it's me katey) (@khealywu) June 1, 2016
"Always the bridesmaid, never the bridesmaid." – Schrödinger's Bridesmaid
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) April 4, 2017
Whoever came up with bridal showers is fucking brilliant. Like give me gifts before my party where you give me gifts. I love it 😙👌🏽
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 12, 2017
If a maid of honor makes a speech and doesn't put her hand over her heart and tilt her head, it doesn't count.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) October 29, 2015
Me: Can I get 3 packs of penis straws?
Sales Associate: Cool. Big bachelorette party?
Me: Nah. Just love drinking out of tiny dicks.
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) January 21, 2015
Always a bridesmaid, never sober.
— Myka Fox (@MykaFox) October 5, 2015
No one works harder than the girl trying to get the rest of a bachelorette party to go to their next bar.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) March 30, 2015
You ask me to give a maid of honor speech but I make it all about how TSA shouldn't count deodorant as a liquid
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 15, 2017
Sorry I'm the only one not jumping in your bridal party wedding pictures.
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) August 29, 2015
always a bridesmaid, never enough instagram followers to get free shit
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) March 23, 2016
Always the bridesmaid, never the guest who gets to drink and eat for free with no ceremonial responsibilities.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 4, 2015
sorry I died at ur Bachelorette party & made it about me
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 2, 2017
Every bachelorette party itinerary should allow time for at least one girl to lose her phone.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) April 17, 2015
I've only ever been in two weddings, but you know what they say: never a bridesmaid, always saving money.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 21, 2017
Have to bring a "favorite recipe" to share at a bridal shower this weekend. Does pouring wine into a glass count as a recipe?
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) July 22, 2014
Show up at the bachelorette party wearing a hat that says "Team Groom" n just see what happens
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) March 30, 2017
Once a week I think of my friend who was invited to a bachelorette party that was a HALF MARATHON.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) March 2, 2017
One of the greatest threats to our country is gaggles of bachelorette party girls all wearing matching tank tops.
— Giulia Rozzi (@GiuliaRozzi) May 6, 2017
We should just call the highest tax bracket "Can afford to go to bachelorette party weekends."
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 6, 2015