Kristen Bell admits that she used to have door-slamming fights with Dax Shepard

While Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell are often heralded as “couple goals,” it’s important to remember that even these two famous, successful people have had some significant bumps in the road during their relationship. Fortunately, making it over those humps is what ultimately made them the enviable and candid couple they are today.

During a recent appearance on Harry (you know, the show hosted by Harry Connick Jr. that I forgot existed), Bell admitted that the pair used to have big fights which ultimately culminated in Bell slamming the door and leaving the house. However, she says that she soon realized this wasn’t a tenable long-term solution:

When we first met, we fell madly in love and I love the dramatic exit. There is nothing I crave more. We’d get in a fight because we’d fight a lot, and I’d yell something and then slam the bedroom door, then I’d slam the front door, then I’d get in my car and then I’d skid out the driveway and I would sit around the corner in my car and it felt so good and I realised how incredibly toxic it was only after he pointed it out.

Apparently, Dax wasn’t keen on having the sort of relationship where one person is always leaving during an argument

Three months into our relationship he was like: “You can’t leave anymore during fights. I’m not going to do that.” He has a very high standard and a strong code of ethics. He was like: “No, I have more respect for myself. I love you, but I’m not going to do that my whole life. Our marriage won’t survive.”

I met the hottest guy on the slopes today, and promptly made out with him. @daxshepard #mammoth

A post shared by kristen bell (@kristenanniebell) on

Instead of giving up on the relationship, the couple decided to compromise and work on their fighting styles. “He said, ‘Let’s just help you. You are not a good fighter.’ And I always thought I was because I won,” she adds. “He’s like, ‘No, people can’t do that. Our marriage won’t survive.’ And everything he was saying was making so much sense and I was like damn this guy.”

It’s nice to hear someone be so candid about the importance of still fighting clean when you fight. As someone who is personally always invested in “winning” disagreements, I will concede that it’s rarely helpful to be so focused on proving your point that you forget to empathize with the other person. It’s important to remember that the problem is the enemy — not the other person.

That said, don’t feel like every bit of this advice needs to apply to you at all times. It’s always good to leave the apartment if you’re ever in an argument where you feel physically or emotionally unsafe. This is simply a good bit of wisdom for particularly stubborn people to keep in mind when they feel like acting dramatic during a fight. (*Ahem* ME.)

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