Meeting your significant others’ parents is always terrifying. Are they going to like you? Are you going to say the wrong thing? Are you talking too much? Not enough? GAHHHH! Whatever stress you went through the last time you performed the elaborate “meeting the fam” dance, chances are it didn’t go worse than this.
1. Zavarakatranemi had a post-coital convo with underwear in hand
“I was at my ex’s house while his mother was away (we were both 20) and we were having sex quite happily and loudly. After we both finished, and I was laying half-on top of him, the door opened and his mother stared at us from outside his room. She had this cold smirk on her lips, turned to her son, simply said “Hey X, congratulations, but keep it down, will ya?” and walked away.
I was so embarassed, I got dressed in record time, trying to sneak out as fast and quietly as possible, and I didn’t even put on my underwear to save time. She was waiting for me at the kitchen, looking way too amused by the situation. As I passed by, she coughed to get my attention and said “You must be Z. Let’s have a chat, shall we?” as she patted a chair for me to sit. I had no choice but to sit down, panties and bra in hand, and talk to her for the first time. TL;DR My ex’s mom caught us having sex, then forced me in a convo with her while I was still holding my underwear.”
2. Isabelle Dann’s face and sheets were red.
“Aged 15, I met a boyfriend’s mum & stayed over in their spare room. Clean white sheets; menstruated all over them in the night.”
3. Ang1885 lived through my worst nightmare.
“I went to Virginia to meet my husband’s mom for the first time and we stayed at her house. She showed us around and I excused myself to use the bathroom. I flushed the toilet and it made a weird sound but I thought it wasn’t a big deal. They were talking about some pictures in the hallway not to far away and after a minute or two I notice water is coming from under the door of the bathroom. I just stood there thinking about how horrible this was going to be when his mom noticed and ran in. The toilet overflowed and my poop was on the floor. She said don’t worry about it, go in the living room. I sat in the living room horrified and wondered how this could happen the first hour of our week long stay. When I went to check on things it was like it never happened. She cleaned everything up including my poop and we’ve never talked about it in the last eight years.”
“My worst meet the parents situation was several years ago. I walk into his house and notice framed photos on the wall. All of them were stills from when they were on the show “Wife Swap”. That in and of itself is no big deal, until I saw the episode, but then father approached me and I stuck out my hand to shake and he just looks me up and down, turns to his son and says, “Is she a subscriber to “The Way.'” Later on we are all having dinner and his sister is telling the parents how she heard I was a whore and they attempt to evangelize me.”
5. CobraCommanderp defused a difficult situation
“I’m Mexican. My wife is white. I met her family for the first time when we started to date at her Aunt’s annual Halloween party.
My wife’s parents didn’t know I was going to be there. They were dressed up as Mexicans. As in full-on colorful sarapes, sombreros, dark wigs and her dad has the thickest fake moustache. They walk in, my wife is speechless. Her parents look at me and the whole house gets quiet.
I look at them for a second, pause, then ask: “Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?”. Everyone started laughing. The rest of the night was a blast and they’re the coolest in-laws ever.”
6. Poor joolsd, this would give anyone a scare
“I was confronted by a 6’4″ ex-marine CIA agent hurling the taxi driver out of the cab for overcharging his daughter.”
7. Pattiaa went where no one’s gone before
“Brought my first college boyfriend home for Thanksgiving – we were greeted by my parents in full Star Trek uniforms, dad was wearing spock ears, both giving the “live long and prosper” salute. They ordered pizza and the delivery guy asks my dad why he didn’t just have the pizza beamed over.”
8. Mamma mia, rubbishgatsby!
“They pretended to only speak Italian for three hours.”
9. Wanderso24 went from “kidnapper” to “hostage” in record time
“This happened with my first girlfriend back in high school. So I went to her house for dinner to meet her parents for the first time. There was still a little while before dinner was ready, and it was a beautiful night, so we decided to take a walk through the park by her house. She forgot her cell phone at her house, and her parents tried calling her for dinner. They freaked out and assumed I kidnapped her. They called the cops. We walked back a few minutes later as the cops showed up. Pretty awkward. I stayed for dinner so as not to be rude and nobody said a word the whole time.”
10. I take back what I said earlier, Sneakystratus lived through my new worst nightmare
“My ex-boyfriend wanted me to meet his parents, and he told me they wanted to meet me too. We decided to drive up to their place in the bay area (we lived in Orange County at the time) for Thanksgiving.
I’m white, and he (and thus his parents) are Chinese. I normally wouldn’t mention this, but apparently my whiteness made them not approve of me, and therefore not actually want to meet me. I didn’t know they didn’t want to meet me, otherwise I wouldn’t have driven six hours and showed up at their house. When we knocked on their door, his mother answered, looked at me and said (in Cantonese) “I told you not to bring the white girl here”. More was said in Cantonese (I understood none of it).
To save money, his parents did not have the boiler on, nor did they have heat in the house. Not having a boiler meant not having hot water, and therefore not having showers. To remedy this, they had a membership at 24 hour fitness, where they went every night to have a shower. They insisted that we go to 24 hour fitness for a shower, literally 15 minutes after showing up at their house. 24 hour fitness has communal showering. I’m absolutely terrified of communal showering. I had to get naked with my boyfriend’s mother, 15 minutes after meeting her. At that point, she had never spoken a word to me in English. The first actual communication she showed me was to thrust a hairdryer in my hands.
Anyway, the next few days were excruciatingly uncomfortable. Next to nothing was said in English at all, and I felt like everybody hated me. I spent several days just being as quiet, submissive, and polite as possbile. I was sent to his mother’s garden to pull weeds in the sun for a few hours, and after that she apparently began liking me. Later in the week she decided I needed a checkup at the doctor (for what reason, I don’t know). Turns out she scheduled me for a vaginal exam, conducted by a man. A man who I don’t know. A man who spoke in really broken English.
I explained to her that I was not comfortable with any of this. It was horrible and embarrassing.”
11. MadLintElf was almost cougar prey
“She only had her mother, her father passed away when she was young. I go to her house to wait for her to get home and meet her mom, she has a bottle of dewars on the table. Her mom was pleasant (not drunk at the time) and she offers me a drink. I normally don’t drink the hard stuff, but I decided to be polite and take it. Her mother gets a phone call, apparently my new GF is going to be about 2 hours late. The mother sits down next to me on the couch and tells me. Then the unthinkable happens, her mom (not very attractive by the way) puts her hand on my upper thigh. She says we have 2 hours if I’m interested and smiles. Now at the time I was only 18, but I had enough common sense to GTFO real quick. Meet up with my GF later on that night and don’t even bring up what happened (what good could it do right?). 2 days later my GF shows up at my house and is wide eyed, her breath is labored (she ran to my house). She tells me that one of her best friends just told her that he slept with her mom. I ask when it happened, and she said 2 nights ago. So made the right choice!”
12. Sometimes it’s best to let sleeping dogs (and brothers) lie, right extracreddit1?
“I met my girlfriend’s parents at their summer house the summer after my sophomore year in college. Though their daughter spoke highly of me, I was intimidated by their strict demeanor. They arrived at the house late at night with my girlfriend’s sister and brother, and because it was late, I introduced myself to them and everyone went to sleep. I shared a room with my girlfriend’s younger brother. Around 2AM, I began sleepwalking over to her brother’s bed. The brother’s room was laid out similar to my room at home, so I thought I was in my bedroom at home. I panicked when I felt someone’s warm face in the other bed. I could not find the light switch so I began to attack the “intruder” (her brother) while screaming and swearing at him. I punched her brother in the face multiple times, even as he begged me to stop (note: I had never thrown a punch before). Her parents rushed into the bedroom, fully dressed, with their Great Dane on his leash, barking and lunging aggressively. When the lights turned on, her parents saw me in my boxers with my fists raised over their son. Her brother and I laid wide awake, silently, for the rest of the night.”
13. Coldsandovercoats almost had a NSFW “as seen on TV” moment
“I went to stay with my ex’s family one weekend, as we met at school and our families both lived a few hours away. His mom had just had facial surgery and was more than a bit doped up from pain medications. My ex and I were standing in the kitchen with his mom and brother when she decided to tell us that we needed to wait until after dinner to have sex. She also decided to show me that she owned a Shake Weight, and asked if I needed to use it to improve my handjobs. She then asked her son if I needed to work on that while trying to press he Shake Weight into my hands.Yep, that was weird.”
14. In his defense, Mister_Dink’s grandpa probably just wanted to make sure everyone knew who wore the pants in the family
“When my father finally met my mothers parents, the first thing Grandpa did was pants my father in public. Grandpa is not a mature man.”
15. Quiteright almost died of politeness
“My girlfriend had me over for dinner at her parent house for the first time. Steak dinner with all of the fixins’. I take my first bite, swallow, immediately start choking. I’m so scared that I’m going to make a bad impression, so I took a drink of water to try to wash it down. Didn’t work, so after about fifteen seconds without a single breath my face turns red, so I start freaking out an point at my throat. So my girlfriends mom does the Heimlich maneuver and I throw up all over the floor. Her two miniature schnauzers start licking up the aftermath, girlfriend’s dad puts his napkin down and leaves the room.”
16. Ohsnapitsdevin was red-faced and red… something else
“My ex and I started out as a casual relationship. One day after having sex, I went from his room to his bathroom to clean up, and because no one was home I didn’t cover myself up. I’m halfway down the hallway and his mom comes around the corner (she had JUST come home) and laughed at me saying, “oh hey! It’s good to know you’re a true redhead too!”
I wanted to die.”
17. Hey at least c_is_4_cookie got a free cleaning
“We had driven up to Chicago where my girlfriend’s parents lived to visit for a weekend. Her mom said to her just before we took off, “just swing by the office (her parents are dentists) so you can get a cleaning while you are here. I will also schedule a chair for c_is_4_cookie as well.”So my first meeting with her parents involved her mom cleaning my teeth while asking me questions. I have to admit, it was an impressive coup.”
18. Ok this is just bizarre, probably why it’s from “Anonymous”
“His mom asked us if we were “dipping winkies” (please bear in mind I’m a female) and said if he ever needed condoms for us to tell her we’re “hungry for Hardee’s” and she’d know what we meant and wouldn’t have to explain further, and that she would either give us money for or go out and buy us condoms. I was fourteen at the time. Found out years later that she became pregnant and had an abortion at thirteen, she didn’t want us to have to make that decision, so she really was just trying to be helpful. But it was a little much the very first time meeting her.”
19. Professor_doom learned why you should always be a courteous driver the hard way
“I was running late to meet her family for the first time and only a few miles from my destination, the car ahead of me was creeping along at 35mph in a 45mph zone. I’m impatient, so I rode their ass pretty hard. They slowed down even more to spite me, so when I finally had a chance to pass them, I got a good look at the stink faces looking back at me as sailed by. I wanted to see what these assholes looked like! Turns out they looked exactly like my girlfriend’s parents. I pulled into her house and a minute later, they did too.After exchanging icy pleasantries, I explained how I had been running late and nervous and excited to meet them and that I don’t normally drive like that. Fortunately, they seemed to believe me and let it go. I went on to date my girlfriend for many years afterward and the only evidence that it ever happened was her father good-naturedly calling me “Speedy Gonzalez” from time to time. Oh and he never let me drive when we went out together.”
20. Camerontylek sent his gf’s mom to the burn ward
“I met my high school girlfriends parents during Sunday dinner and her father and I really hit it off. During dinner her mother, whom is named Donna, kept asking me a lot of questions to which her father joked that she had diarrhea of the mouth. I then joked that they should call her Donna-rrhea. Everyone laughed, except her mom, she hated me”.
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