‘Are You Afraid of the Dark?’ is becoming a movie, so I’m never sleeping with the lights off again

If you grew up watching Nickelodeon programming during the ’90s, then you are most likely pretty familiar with Are You Afraid of the Dark? and its surprisingly disturbing depictions of horror stories and urban legends. (Personally, I only watched when I was feeling particularly ballsy — which was infrequently.) And, if you feel nostalgic about the show and its spooky tales, then you’re in luck: because (as is apparently customary nowadays) Are You Afraid of the Dark? is going to get a modern reboot as a feature film.

Screenwriter Gary Dauberman, AKA the writer behind this year’s IT remake, is manning the script. So, if you thought that perhaps this version of Are You Afraid of the Dark? would be less terrifying than the one you remember from childhood, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

While details about the movie are currently scarce, I will offer up these memorable storylines as potential inspiration for the eventual film (as they are the ones that frightened me the most):

  • The Tale of The Lonely Ghost
    If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: pale ghost children are the creepiest. Especially when they write “HELP ME” backwards all over the walls.
  • The Tale of Many Faces
    Remember this story about the woman who steals people’s faces because she doesn’t have one? I don’t know what’s so creepy about someone not having a face, but the imagery in this episode is truly disturbing.

  • The Tale of the Dead Man’s Float
    This episode about the ghost that haunts a local swimming pool is mostly horrifying because the ghost is so graphically disgusting. Like, it’s literally a bloody skeleton covered in dripping sinew.

    This is supposed to be a kids show! Get OUT OF HERE with that R-rated nightmare-fuel.

Only time will tell how this particular reboot pans out. But one thing’s for certain: I’m definitely going to invest in a new nightlight before I see it in theaters.

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